The Rational Basis® of Happiness Podcast

Transcript

The Selfish Path to Romance. Download chapter one for free at DrKenner.com. And right before the break, I was talking to Marilyn. And just a quick follow-up on that: she told me during the break that her husband was very embarrassed. He's, he's now, in quotes, addicted to porn. He's using porn quite a bit now, and it's like, well, how does this come about?

Well, actually, she said they tried to make love at one point. She isn't there in the 650s?late 50s?and he couldn't perform as before. I'll be very tactful on radio, but he couldn't perform as before. He got so embarrassed, felt like a failure, and so turned to porn. Or, it actually escalated it more and then he couldn't turn back to his wife. And if you don't know that, it's normal to not be able to respond as a man when you get to your 50s and 60s, but Cialis, Viagra, and the other medications out there can work wonders. If your doctor okays them, then you don't feel ashamed of taking them. She said she thought her husband would feel ashamed of taking them, and he's fighting off this image that he's a failure.

So I talked about? she said she's so willing to kiss and cuddle and have some sweet talk with him, and she would like to have sex again. She would like to be romantic again. So to have that conversation will be fabulous for both of them, and he needs to deal with both the medical and the psychological?the idea that he feels like a failure because he can't perform.

And here's a little more from Dr. Kenner. You've heard me preaching it for years, but you didn't have the wits to know what you were hearing. Why do you suppose I denounce greatness and praise mediocrities like you? Great men can't be ruled. Why did I preach self-sacrifice? If you kill a man's sense of personal value, he'll submit.

And that is from the villain in The Fountainhead. He is pure evil. And think about people in your life who have tried to take greatness?maybe the great things you've done or have thought of doing?and have made fun of them or put them down, and then they raised someone up. They say, "Oh my gosh, isn't it wonderful? Tilly is working at McDonald's," and here you are. You went back to school, you got a degree, you started your own company, and you're not seen. But Tilly is working at McDonald's. They're trying to kill your spirit, and they're trying to make you feel guilty for your successes if you didn't earn it.

Man, when you work hard, hold on to your knowledge that you're of value to you, and that life is not self-sacrifice. Life is valuing yourself, valuing those dear to you?your friends, your family?being decent to those around you, and recognizing those people who are evil, who want to take you down, who hate you because of the good in you. And I highly recommend that clip; it was from The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. She's my favorite author. I highly recommend reading her books. It can be absolutely life-changing. You can get rid of that whole feeling guilty, and you don't know why. You can either, if you've earned the guilt, do something about it. If you haven't earned the guilt?if you're feeling guilty because you did something good?something's wrong with that picture. Something's wrong with the moral code that drives that. And the moral code that drives that is the code of self-sacrifice: the idea that life requires you to martyr yourself, to always put yourself last. That's not the case, and it doesn't mean that you'll run roughshod over other people. You'll treat others fairly.

For more Dr. Kenner podcasts, go to DrKenner.com, and please listen to this ad. Here's an excerpt from The Selfish Path to Romance by psychologists Drs. Kenner and Locke.

How long does it take to thoroughly get to know a person? That depends on the person. Sometimes you gain enough key information to make a reasonably informed negative judgment within minutes. For example, if the person has obvious traits that you despise. But for a person you choose to continue seeing, it can take many months of interaction to learn everything you need to know. A useful, though not foolproof, guideline is to know the person for at least a year before getting married. Some can be sure in less than a year. Others need several years to know a person really well. There may be red flags you want to investigate. For example, he seems to drink a lot when they go out, but claims he's never had an alcohol problem. Check on this from other sources: family, friends, and co-workers.

Download chapter one for free at DrKenner.com, and you can buy the book @amazon.com.