The Rational Basis® of Happiness Podcast

The Selfish Path to Romance. Download chapter one for free at DoctorKenner.com.

You can't believe yet, the doctor said it takes 48 hours to get that stuff out of your system. I wonder how long it takes to get someone you're stuck on out of your system. I know how you feel, Miss Kubelik. You think it's the end of the world, but it's not. I went through exactly the same thing myself, and I was mad about it, but I knew it was hopeless, and I decided to end it all. You know, when I finally shot myself, where? Here in the knee. It was a year before I could bend the knee, but I got over the girl in three weeks. She still lives in Cincinnati, has four kids, and gained 20 pounds. She sends me a fruitcake every Christmas.

That's cute. That's from Jack Lemmon and Shirley MacLaine in The Apartment, the movie The Apartment. And think about that—when you go through a rejection like that, it feels like the end of the world. Many times, you feel like doing yourself in, or many people do. That’s the only time I went to a psychiatrist—when a boyfriend broke up with me. Or, I can't even remember; I might have broken up with him, but I think he broke up with me. I walked into a psychiatrist's office at Brown University, and he looked at me, and at the time, all they did was give you a pill to pop. He gave me two Valium, sent me home, told me to get a good night's sleep, and it actually worked for me. I felt better the next day and never went back to him. But the goal is, if you are feeling rejected, know that with time, your mind is able to put the pieces together and to see them more clearly. Immediately, you feel the wound of the rejection, but then you're able to assess it over time. That's why, three weeks later, you know he doesn't want to commit suicide anymore.

For more Dr. Kenner podcasts, go to DrKenner.com, and please listen to this:

Here's an excerpt from The Selfish Path to Romance, the serious romance guidebook by clinical psychologist Dr. Ellen Kenner and Dr. Edwin Locke.

Just how do you go about judging someone? What one says is important, but to fully assess a person's character, values, and personality, observe not only what they say but also how they act in different situations. If there is a contradiction between words and actions, treat the actions as representing the real person. Actions reveal your partner's actual operating values or philosophy. If a person claims to be honest but lies, that person is a liar. Partners cannot hide their real selves indefinitely, no matter how many times a person says he or she loves you, watch what that person actually does to show it.

You can download chapter one for free by going to DrKenner.com, and you can buy The Selfish Path to Romance at Amazon.com.