The Selfish Path to Romance

Part I: The Basics
Part II: Making Yourself Lovable
Part III: Finding Your Soul Mate
Part IV: Making Your Romantic Relationship Thrive
Part V: Enjoying Sex
Part VI: Resolving Conflict
Appendix: How to Part Ways and Start Over

Part I: The Basics

  • Chapter 1: What Is Romantic Love?
    • The Visibility Principle
  • Chapter 2: Altruism and Narcissism:
    • Two Approaches to Love That Do Not Work
    • Altruism
    • Narcissism
    • The "Magical" Affinity of Altruists and Narcissists
  • Chapter 3: True Romantic Love Is Egoistic
  • Chapter 4: Understanding Love top

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Part II: Making Yourself Lovable

  • Chapter 5: Building Moral Character
    • Core Virtues (read an excerpt now)
    • Rationality
    • Honesty
    • Integrity
    • Independence
    • Justice
    • Productivity
    • Pride
    • The Immorality of Threatening or Initiating Physical Force Against Others
  • Chapter 6: Developing Genuine Self-Esteem
    • Faked Self-Esteem and Defensive Maneuvers
    • Temporary Blows to Self-Esteem and Recovery
    • Learn to Understand Yourself Through Introspection
  • Chapter 7: Values, Appearance, and Communication
    • Become a Passionate Valuer
    • Care About Your Appearance
    • Learn How to Communicate top

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Part III: Finding Your Soul Mate

  • Chapter 8: Achieving Harmony Between Reason and Emotion
  • Chapter 9: Choosing the Right Partner I
    • Selecting Your Partner
    • Sense of Life
    • Values
    • Interests and Tastes
    • Personality
  • Chapter 10: Choosing the Right Partner II
    • Habits
    • Attitude Toward Money
    • Appearance, Fitness and Health
    • Leisure and Lifestyle
    • Visibility
    • Deal-breakers and Trade-offs
  • Chapter 11: Choosing the Right Partner III
    • Judging Others: Words versus Actions
    • Look at Your Love Trajectory
    • How Do You Know If Your Partner Is "The Right One"
    • What If the Partner You Want Doesn't Want You
    • How to Search for Potential Partners top

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Part IV: Making Your Romantic Relationship Thrive

  • Chapter 12: How to Cherish Your Partner I
    • Show That You Value Your Partner
    • Work to Understand Your Partner
    • Encourage Your Partner to Pursue His or Her Values
  • Chapter 13: How to Cherish Your Partner II
    • Communicate Constantly
  • Chapter 14: How to Cherish Your Partner III
    • Show Concern for Your Partner's Welfare
    • Show Generosity
    • Make Decisions Together
    • Respect Your Partner's Need for Private Time
  • Chapter 15: Creating a Positive Emotional Climate
    • Build a Positive Mood
    • Take Joy in Each Other's Achievements
    • Grow Together
    • Show Playfulness and Humor
    • Help Protect One Another Against Stress
  • Chapter 16: Love Destroyers and How to Fix Them
    • Correct Bad Manners and Bad Habits
    • Replace Anger with Positives
    • Replace Repression with the Ability to Feel and Express Emotions
    • Replace White Lies with the Truth
    • Don't Let Relatives or Children Undermine Your Relationship
    • Don't Let Money Issues Undermine Love top

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Part V: Enjoying Sex

  • Chapter 17: Understanding What Sex Is and Why It's Good
  • Chapter 18: Creating Intimacy and Mood
    • Emotional Intimacy
    • Mood
  • Chapter 19: Technique, Afterplay and Feedback
    • Technique
    • Afterplay and Feedback
  • Chapter 20: Prioritizing Sex and Overcoming Subverters of Sexual Pleasure
    • Prioritizing Sex
    • Overcoming Subverters of Sexual Pleasure
    • Anger
    • Fatigue
    • Too Much "Other" Focus
    • Children top

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Part VI: Resolving Conflict

  • Chapter 21: Causes of Conflict I
    • Why Some Conflict is Inevitable in All Relationships
    • How Differences Between Partners Cause Conflict
    • Making Reasonable Differences into Moral Issues
    • Expectations of "Mind Reading"
  • Chapter 22: Causes of Conflict II
    • Violations of the Trader Relationship
    • Insufficient Time Together
    • Gender Differences
  • Chapter 23: Communication Methods That Do Not Work
    • Attacks Using "You" Language
    • Global Language
    • Faking "Niceness"
  • Chapter 24: Communication Methods That Work
    • Nip Escalating Tensions in the Bud
    • Healthy Assertiveness
    • How to Actively Listen to Your Partner
  • Chapter 25: Compromise and Dealing with Your Partner's Resistance
    • When Should You Compromise and How
    • Do You Do So Fairly
    • Dealing with Your Partner's Resistance top

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Appendix: How to Part Ways and Start Over If You Cease Being Soul Mates

  • 1. Identifying Reasons You're Considering a Divorce
  • 2. Identifying Barriers Keeping You in an Unsatisfactory Relationship
  • 3. Making the Final Decision: Tying All the Relevant Evidence Together
  • 4. Breaking the News to Your Partner
  • 5. Setting up an Atmosphere of Respect. Even When There are Disagreements
  • 6. Helping Your Children Through the Divorce
  • 7. Going Public with Family and Friends
  • 8. Making an Action Plan for Your Divorce
  • 9. Learning to Live Independently and Taking New Steps Toward Romantic Happiness top
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