The Rational Basis® of Happiness Podcast

Transcript

The Selfish Path to Romance. Download chapter one for free at DrKenner.com.

Following is a question I received from somebody who is feeling pulverized and just throwing their hands up in the air and saying, what's the use? Why bother to be a good person anymore? I give up. What's it all about?

So see what you think about this. We've all had probably moments when we felt this, and hopefully they're fleeting moments for us. When you know you have a down moment, someone betrays you, someone hurts you. But what happens if this feeling isn't going away and it's just growing and growing and growing?

So this is the question:

Dear Dr. Kenner, how does one keep their integrity in a world that has thrown ethics and morals out the window, and why should somebody ? why should I ? just do the same to get ahead? Why bother when people misrepresent facts, they drop context, they lie, they rationalize? Why matter myself in a world where honor is a dirty word and honesty means being curt or outspoken? There is so much forgiveness going around, might as well take advantage of it and just say I'm sorry afterwards. So you cheat, you lie, you steal, and then say, ?Oh, I'm sorry.? It seems to work for our leaders and our sports heroes.

Every day I feel more and more like Leo Kovalenski from Ayn Rand?s classic We the Living, fabulous book to read. Now, Leo is a really good person in the book. I don't want to give any plot spoilers away. He just is living in Soviet Russia, and he can't take it anymore. It's killing him inside. So if you're feeling that way, it's understandable. I have been down in the dumps when I look at the political scene myself.

So how do I pick myself up so I have this energy in my voice? Well, a few things that you want to know about the most precious thing that any of us have are our most fundamental ideas. What in cognitive therapy is called core premises. There are different names for this, but basically it's your most profound view ? and you may not have even stated it to yourself ? about yourself, about others, about the world, and about the future. Those are core premises. Deep, deep down. If you're in therapy, hopefully you would be working to identify your core premises and to make sure they're in good shape, or to fix them.

You don't want to fake anything. You can't fake the facts. There is a lot of bad things happening in the world, and there are very bad politicians. There are very bad ? if you want to say ? sports heroes. There are people that are going to be corrupt in any field. What are you going to focus on?

So first, how do you keep your integrity in a world that's thrown ethics and morals out the window?

Hey, I?ve got to interrupt this because we've got to pay some bills. Thirty seconds, that's it. A very quick ad, and then Ellen will be back.

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So first, how do you keep your integrity in a world that's thrown ethics and morals out the window? Has the world thrown ethics and morals out the window? Or can you scout around? Can you be a flame spotter and find people who are decent, even if they may not be in your neck of the woods? Do you know people around the world, or people that you've met, or people from your past, where you can hold on to the view that there are good people in the world?

So that's one of the things you want to do. Even movies or good literature. If you read Atlas Shrugged, my favorite, favorite book, there are heroes that never lose their integrity. And just knowing that someone wrote that book and that there are those type of people in the world who are very, very attracted to good character traits can help you. And there's also a hero in the book that you spoke of who didn't throw in the towel, and I won't give any more away ? that was We the Living.

And then your question is, why should somebody keep their integrity if everyone else has lost it? Well, first, not everyone else has lost it. But you live with yourself. You can't leave your own body and walk away from yourself if you want to corrupt your own character. So at least you know that you're good. And why would you ever want to give that up?

It is true that there are a lot of lousy people in the world. But keep your eyes open for the good ones, or for people who are confused but somewhat open.

True reason. Honor. You said, why matter oneself in a world where honor is a dirty word? Honor is not a dirty word. There are dirty people who pretend to have honor. And honesty means being curt or outspoken? You know, when I met my husband, what I loved about him was he was honest without being curt or outspoken. I mean, he is outspoken, but in a nice way.

And I agree with you that there's too much of this cheap forgiveness going around. Real forgiveness is very different. That's the topic for another time.

And so I would say, hold on to what's dear to you, and fight for your values. Become an activist to fight for the good in the world, because you will feel much more empowered, and it will change your view of the future of yourself, and you'll find better people.

I'm Dr. Ellen Kenner.

For more Dr. Kenner podcasts, go to DrKenner.com and please listen to this ad.

Here's an excerpt from The Selfish Path to Romance, the serious romance guidebook by clinical psychologist Dr. Ellen Kenner and co-author Dr. Edwin Locke:

Here are some financial issues couples planning on marriage need to discuss ahead of time, rather than ending up with painful or bitter conflicts later on. What are your financial assets, liabilities and debt situation? What are your career aspirations? Do both parties plan to work? What if you have children? What would you like to do with the money you earn? Is a prenuptial agreement needed to protect both of your interests? How would financial responsibilities be divided between you, and if one spouse makes more money than the other? How will spending decisions be managed?

You can download chapter one for free by going to DrKenner.com and you can buy The Selfish Path to Romance at Amazon.com.