The Rational Basis® of Happiness Podcast

On the selfish path to romance. Download chapter one for free at Dr Kenner.com

Aaron, you're learning how to cope with your mother. Is that what's going on?

Right? Well, I'm an astrophysicist, on simple terms. It's called an astronomer, okay? My mother, who is almost 90 years old, yeah, is extremely religious, and she still goes door to door, trying to convince people to be her religion. Okay?

And this is the Jehovah's Witness, I think, yes, okay,

there's others that also do this, but Right?

Oh, you're still cutting out. I don't know why you're doing that, but I'm going to try to make the best, because

I'm talking, maybe the people is there to retake that. I don't want me to make the call. Okay? I should be. I keep the phone. Keep suggesting. Okay.

So basically, what is the tension between you and mom? In a nutshell,

that the universe is so immense. Yeah, our galaxy is compared to the . of a lowercase i on the map of the United States compared to the Milky Way galaxy. That . on a lowercase I would be the earth, yeah, the map of the United States would be the Milky Way Galaxy, okay, consists of about 100 billion stars. I

want to get to the personal part of it. The universe is immense. So what follows from that in your relationship with your mother?

To explain to my mother that there is more in creation than just one planet? Would God or Jesus or Moses at

the age of Yeah, okay, at the age of 90, you being a scientist, what are the chances that your mother is going to change lifelong premises that she has woven her life in very fine silk around? What are the chances that you are going to reach her mind?

Well, you know, I can reverse that same question to you and say, why? What makes you think she won't reverse my mind? That's exactly who is logic here. Is it logic being stuck in one way and not being willing to so your mind and horizon So Aaron,

let me see if I get you correctly. You're having some stress with your mother because she she believes in her religion and and is passionate about it. She's pursuing it. She's going door to door. It's her way of life. It's her habitual mode of being. It's what she has chosen. And you're coming in and you're trying to convince her that the world is bigger, that there's a bigger universe. And are you running into conflict with her, or is she agreeing with you, or I'm not getting the personal conflict that's going on. This

is a 24 hour a day, seven or a day a week conversation. My mother doesn't have any hobbies, doesn't knit, doesn't play computer games. This is it. There's no news, no talk of news, no knowledge of Dr Kenner whatsoever, who I've listened to, by the way, for years. Okay? And so what always had deep respect for your opinions, and this is just very, very hard for a scientist, or someone that works within the scientific field to try to relate to his mother who gave birth to me. Yeah, that there is a much larger scope. Then, you know, Dr Kenner, we could take this as far as North Korea and the North Koreans all being brainwashed, which basically they are because they love leader el som Kim Il.

Let me sum up what I'm hearing at this point, because I definitely want to give you my take on it. And that one,

can I interject one thing before you do that, my mother dearly, yeah, you know, I just my wish my mother had more to talk about than just, you know, God destroying the earth. Hey, I

got to interrupt this, because we've got to pay some bills. 30 seconds, that's it. A very quick ad, and then Alan will be back. Romance.

I wish I knew more about what girls want from a relationship, Boy, I wish I knew more about what I want. Where's that ad I saw? Here it is the selfish path to romance, a serious romance guidebook. Download chapter one for free@selfishromance.com and buy it@amazon.com huh? The Selfish path to romance that is interesting. I

just might wish my mother had more to talk about than just, you know, God destroying the earth that

can be your passion, and at the age of 90, you only have a limited time to try to have that wonderful breakthrough with. Mother so I can hear that you're driven. I can hear that you really want to have a moment when your mother recognizes the value of you being the scientist, and that maybe she would question her own ideas if you could connect with your mother. I understand she doesn't knit, she doesn't play golf, she

doesn't do she doesn't read the paper.

I understand that she

doesn't have any other hobbies, so I understand that. I would like to say, if you could connect with your mother in a different way, if you guys gardened, then leave the religion out of it, leave the philosophical discussion out of it, and try to connect with her on something that you once had together. Maybe there was a hobby way back when in your childhood that you enjoyed with her. Maybe it was just playing cards, but try to find something that would give you both some joy with each other. If she starts to talk religion, you could have a conversation about that and say, Mom, I

love you dearly,

and we can agree that we see differently. We see things differently in this area. And what I would like to do is to not go that route, because we both feel stressed when we go there. And let's, let's do some gardening, or let's do, let's go out and watch a movie, if she would like a movie or something, you know, but find a good movie that's not about God. Watch singing in the rain? You can tell how old I am.

Well, singing in the rain, I think, is going to be a little hard to find. And of course, listening to the conversation that you gave back to me, I can tell that you know very, very little about this religion. Movies are a tool of the devil. Television is a tool of the devil, and probably radio is a tool of the devil. Okay, playing cards are a tool of devil. So

human chest, yeah, okay, so it's

very hard. Yes,

Your mother is in a prison that she chose and wove even deeper. Human values are, what did you call it? Something of the devil. They're the sign of the devil. Human Values.

This is what the religion preaches. So

that so you can, I know we're right at the end of time here. If you want to hold on, I'll chat with you during the break. Let me sum up here, though, the main essence is that, with your mother, if you try to change somebody at that late stage, you're not going to. So if you can find a limited basis, whether it's holidays or something, to enjoy pleasure with her, that's fine. If you can't, then you might just see it as a very sad aspect of your life, but you can thoroughly embrace those values that you love in your life. Aaron, listen, thank

you for the call.

And here's a little more from Dr Kenner, yes, yes,

I'm gonna be an actor. Ever since I can remember, I wanted to try this. I even tried to go to summer stock auditions last year. But of course, my father wouldn't let me, for the first time in my whole life, I know what I want to do, and for the first time, I'm gonna do it, whether my father wants the two or not. COVID,

and that is from Dead Poets Society. When have you felt that in your life? When have you identified your true passion? Hopefully, it's a rational one, not gambling or whatnot, and but a rational career path for yourself that's reasonable and you you can feel it. You can feel it through your whole body, and you let yourself express it, and then you realize that what stands in your way Are your parents or people telling you that you don't own your own life. How do you go after your own goals? How do you pursue your dreams and not end up like so many people who feel like they're rusting in their jobs, they go through the motions, but it wasn't their dream or in the they're in the wrong career. It may be challenging, but it wasn't what they quite wanted, and they did it because it made mom or dad happy. You don't want to make that mistake, and you also don't want to end up the way what? I don't know if you saw a dead poet society, but you don't want to go that route either. You want to preserve your happiness long range. And that's my show, the rational basis of happiness. I'm

Dr Ellen Kenner, a clinical psychologist. For more Dr Kenner podcast, go to Dr kenner.com and please listen to this that

Here's an excerpt from the selfish path to romance, the serious romance guidebook by clinical psychologist Dr Ellen Kenner and Dr Edwin Locke. Even

though you may already understand a lot about your partner, knowing him or her is a continuous learning process that takes years. Here are some aspects of your partner you'll want to find out about. What are your partner's intellectual interests? What does your partner like? To discuss, learn, read and think about, what hobbies and sports does your partner enjoy, and why? What types of art or recreational pursuits does your partner like, and why? Asking, why helps you and your partner define some of your core. Values, what are your partner's favorite and least favorite foods and drinks? What is your partner's personal style? Do you know his or her favorite color, style of clothing and decorating preferences?

You can download chapter one for free by going to Dr kenner.com and you can buy the book@amazon.com.