The Rational Basis® of Happiness Podcast

Transcript

The Selfish path to romance. Download chapter one for free at Dr Kenner.com, and @amazon.com

Ally, you've got a five-year-old son and you're worried about his behavior.
Yes, ma'am, yeah. What's up?

Well, like I was telling your assistant there, I was just wondering your opinion, if you could tell me a little bit about that condition, because I haven't really done a lot of research on it. Hyperactive or ADD,

okay, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?
Yes, ma'am, a big mouthful. ADHD, right when you're on a friendly basis, yeah. So tell me what your son is doing.

Well, he doesn't like to sit still for very long, okay? And he's constantly moving, constantly going, and it's like, you know, the noise he makes? Me and my husband joke about it. We're like, it's almost like we have three kids to one.
Yeah, yeah.

So what's the noise he makes? I mean, just the love,

like he's having a war with himself and this imaginary friend or something, yeah, you know. And it really does, almost,

oh, he's gonna show us.

What is it you want to add your two cents? See, yeah, so, and it just, you know, I don't know. I don't know too much about it.

So, okay, wondering. Well, let me tell you my take on it, and then I'll give you the information on it. My take on it is way too many kids are labeled and diagnosed and have to carry this label through life that they have some problem with them, called Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, or Attention Deficit Disorder, meaning they're not focused. It used to be called minimal brain damage. But how many parents want to label their kids with minimal brain damage? Yeah, so they changed the name, and then it became the disease du jour in psychology, and it is, in my estimation, labeled far too often for normally healthy, rambunctious, adventurous kids who have tired parents who are worn down. And with many of the kids or families that I saw, you know, a few I thought had the diagnosis, but I thought many of the kids were absolutely delightful, and the parents just needed some R and R and some wonderful parenting skills.

And how does one go about doing that? I have actually taken a parenting class and tried to utilize the techniques I learned there. And to me, it doesn't work, okay. And I want to even do that that's one, that's two, that's three, and like, he spends so much time in time out. It's like,

yeah, and then timeout becomes sometimes pointless. The kids don't care anymore. It's just like, okay. And there's a much better way to parent. I do want to give you your information on ADHD too, also, but the parenting books, the gold standard of parenting is How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk.

Okay, can you repeat that one more time?

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. The book?s available at my website, Dr Kenner.com. I didn't write it. I read those books when my kids were little tots, and I became a much, much better parent than I ever would have without those books. When I say those books, the authors didn't hope, because I love to read anyway. Oh, these are fun books. These are not written by psychologists with psychobabble. These are written by mothers who just had been to it. Had heard one psychologist talk of an influence of a very, very easy on the mind approach for both parents and children, without letting yourself be a pushover and without having to be that authoritarian ?you get in your room now it's bedtime now.? So it's none of the above. You're not ?whatever you want to do, kids.? It's a way that helps you give your kids guidance that lasts for a lifetime, and it helps you learn how to communicate, not only with your kids, but someone else who's in your house, your spouse. It's the same skills. The same skills that I learned as a therapist in highfalutin terms are in that book, in comic strips. There's also a website, guideyourchild.com,

I'm writing this down, guide your child, right?

Cornelia Lockitch gives information, and I think has an email newsletter you can get, you can ask her questions. Oh yeah, she'll return ? what's that? Cornelia Lockitch, L-O-C-K, Lock, L-O-C-K, E-I-T-C-H. Got it? Yeah, she?s a wonderful woman, so she usually deals with the little ones and as opposed to teenagers or whatnot. So she may be a good source of support. So saying all that, my son was very rambunctious and delightful and playful. When I came home, I never knew what room in the house he was playing in with the babysitter. He?d be sleeping in different rooms. Find little cubby holes, and he is so spontaneous and fun. As an adult, you don't want to kill that in your kids. So given all that, I don't want to totally wipe out the fact that some kids do have minimal brain damage, but I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that yours does if all he's doing is not

can read and write. He draws all the time. And yeah, I would. He's not reading yet, but everything that's leading up to him being able to read. So, I mean, he can do all those things, walking a straight

line and listening to me. Do you think he's got a ? he's got some disorder, or do you think he's a normal kid and you could use some

help? Hey, I gotta interrupt this, because we've got to pay some bills. 30 seconds, that's it. A very quick ad, and then Ally will be back.

Romance. I wish I knew more about what girls want from a relationship. Well, I wish I knew more about what I want. Where's that ad I saw? Here it is. The Selfish Path to Romance, a serious romance guidebook. Download chapter one for free at selfishromance.com and buy it @amazon.com huh? The Selfish path to romance, that is interesting.

?in listening to me. Do you think he's got some disorder, or do you think he's a normal kid, and you could use some help? And I won't even ? I could give you the definition, but you can look it up on the web for Attention Deficit Disorder. If you wanted to, most kids meet the criteria, that's the problem, that the way the criteria is set, too many kids, too many healthy kids, meet the criteria.

And that scares me, because I don't want him ? like I don't want him

labeled. So I would just relabel my kid with his teachers, or with everyone. I would just say, ?Oh, I have an adventurous kid,? or ?I have a scientist. I have a little developing, curious scientist,? and you reframe it all instead of it being a problem. Isn't it wonderful that he's under the table during the Thanksgiving meal, playing a game, rather than just sitting there? Yeah, it is. How dull to be sitting with adults at a Thanksgiving table. So I would ? I just have such ? I love kids so much, and I just love to see the ones that have that spark of life, like the Mark Twain life, that's for

sure. But if you've got enough life for three, right?

But if you need rest and relaxation, if you need to figure that out for yourself, how you and your hubby can find some time for yourself, you may need some outside help. It could be family, or it could be a babysitter. We had babysitters, and we screened them very well, and my kids loved them, and boy, did we need them. We needed the breaks from the kids and things. You know, we loved their childhood, and they did too. Listen. Thank you so much for the call. Thank you.

Okay, for more Dr Kenner podcasts, go to Dr Kenner.com and please listen to this ad.

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You can download chapter one for free by going to Dr Kenner.com and you can buy The Selfish Path to Romance @amazon.com