The Rational Basis® of Happiness Podcast

The Selfish Path to Romance. Download chapter one for free at DrKenner.com and Amazon.com.

He got a fair trial, didn't he? What do you think that trial caused? He's lucky. He got it. We heard the facts, didn't we? You're not going to tell me that we're supposed to believe this kid, knowing what he is. Listen, I've

lived among them all my life. You

can't believe a word they say. You

know that?

I mean, they're

born liars. Only

an ignorant man can believe that. Now listen, do

you think you were born with a monopoly on the truth?

And that's from 12 Angry Men. A fabulous, fabulous movie. It's an older movie with top actors in it, Henry Fonda among them, fabulous movie. And the whole theme with that was someone says, don't talk to these type of people. You know, whether they're, substitute tall people, short people, black, white—they say some very bad statement. And someone has the courage to speak up. Do you have the courage to speak your mind on a small scale, maybe just when you're attending a meeting and you disagree with somebody in the meeting, or maybe at work if you disagree with the boss or some policy, or if you're with your family at a holiday meal. Do you have the courage to speak up in your own life? Many of us want that courage, and we don't know how to effectively speak out. We may get sweaty, we may yell out, we may say things that we don't like. Well, joining me today is Lynn Zinser. She is the vice president at the Ayn Rand Center for Individual Rights, which is a division of the Ayn Rand Institute. If you want to know who Ayn Rand is, she wrote my absolute favorite book, Atlas Shrugged, and Lynn Zinser knows the psychological benefits of acting on your values. She's a prominent, passionate intellectual activist, helping to preserve all of our freedom. She's totally pro-rational values. Welcome, Lynn.

Thank you. I'm glad to be here.

Oh, it's so fun to have you here. And what are the mental health benefits for you of acting on your values or for any of us, for example, fighting for your freedom, whether you're trapped in an abusive relationship or whether you want to speak out when you see abuse of politicians undermining your freedom?

Well, there's a whole host of benefits. I'm actually amazed at how many there are—self-confidence, a sense of integrity, that you are fighting for your values, that you're actually speaking up and acting for them, that you can make a difference, knowing that you're acting on your values and that you do make a difference, especially in local or state political issues, when there are others out there supporting you. You can learn that you're not acting alone. There are so many benefits.

So you can, instead of having a view of yourself as powerless and worthless and basically just, I don't know if this is the little peon, a nothing person, and I'm just a drop in the bucket, and I can't do anything. You're saying that when you speak out, you are doing something at whatever level. You speak out. And if you want to speak out in state politics, and hopefully for rational principles, rational ideas, so we can have a healthier culture, and people are happier, that every little bit counts, rather than looking at it as, "Oh, whatever I do is not enough and not good enough anyway."

Yes, in fact, I think it only really works if you're acting on rational values. I think you can only get that psychological benefit, so that may be another program.

Okay, okay. So you talked about integrity and courage, and those are words that everybody wants. I mean, everybody wants integrity and courage, but people throw those words around, and what are they? I mean, what the heck is integrity?

Well, I think courage is the willingness to act on behalf of one's values in especially dangerous or fearful circumstances. Yeah, it's not fearlessness. It's not acting as if you don't have—I mean, it's not as if you are—you say that you don't have fear, but...

Hey, I got to interrupt this, because we've got to pay some bills. 30 seconds, that's it. A very quick ad, and then Alan will be back.

Romance. Oh, I wish guys knew more about what we want from a relationship. Boy, I wish I knew more about what I want. Where's that ad I saw? Here it is: The Selfish Path to Romance, a serious romance guidebook. Download chapter one for free at SelfishRomance.com and buy it at Amazon.com. Hmm, The Selfish Path to Romance—that is interesting.

I mean, it's not as if you are—you say that you don't have fear, but it's being willing to take action in spite of your fear. It acknowledges the fear, and you act even though one experiences it.

So it's like the times—I know there are many times when I was a shy, shy, shy kid, and I know there are many times now when I'll raise my hand and I don't feel any adrenaline going through me. You know, I'll be at a meeting, or I'll be in front of politicians, and I don't even get the adrenaline, but there'll be those occasional times when I do go to ask a question and I feel my heart pounding. You know, I'm feeling myself sweating, and I'm not a sweaty person. I feel...

I just feel like, yeah, oh my god, what am I doing? What am I doing? And then that kind of freezes my mind, and I can't access the question, but just raising my hand is giving me courage. I'm earning the virtue of courage, of speaking up for myself.

Yes, yes, and that is exactly what courage is. It's acting even though you're scared. Even though you're in a dangerous situation, you're in a dangerous...

Go ahead.

I was gonna say, for example, in the abusive situation you were talking about, it's taking an action to get out of that situation, even though it might be dangerous.

And they're terrified. I mean, I've worked with many—typically women, but, okay, an occasional man—who is trapped in an abusive relationship for decades, and they don't know how to leave, and the partner isolates them, doesn't let them talk to other people, and relentlessly beats up on their mind. And when they go to therapy, and of course the therapist is the enemy of the perpetrator, but they gain some knowledge, and more and more knowledge that they are a good person and that they have a right to live—not trapped in this bad marriage or relationship. And then they have the fear, "Can I fight the battle or not?" And when they fight it, what do they gain, Lynn?

Oh, you can gain self-confidence. You can gain a sense of all of the things that we talked about. You know that you're acting appropriately and you have confidence in yourself. It's amazing to me the values that you gain by taking steps to...

Do that on your values. So it's almost like you walk into a room, you see somebody hunched over, a spineless person, you know, that just looks dejected. And when they act on their values, it's like they get their spine straight and they get the courage, and they get the strength in their muscles, and they get the confidence to hold their head high, right?

Actually, they gain integrity. And so that's what integrity is. Go ahead.

Well, I would say it's acting on one's values, being more true to yourself, right? And true integrity is a commitment to act on one's values. I think acting one time can give you that understanding of what it means to have integrity. And then it's the commitment to always act on that.

So to give yourself a taste of it, to get the ball rolling in your own mind, and to see how wonderful it feels, and then to do it more and more, to be able to speak your own mind more. And of course, with the political situation, we all want to be able to fight for—many of us want to be able to fight for rational values. Any other pointers that you would want? I know we're right at the end of time here.

Instead, let me ask you, where can people go? What reading would you suggest that people look into if they want to have more courage?

I think I would recommend Atlas Shrugged. You mentioned it was your favorite book. It's my favorite novel as well.

Ayn Rand, A-Y-N Rand.

And The Virtue of Selfishness, which talks about courage and integrity, and which is also a book by Ayn Rand. You could go to our website, which is the AynRandCenter.org website.

Well, thank you so much for joining us today, Lynn. This is Lynn Zinser, who's the vice president at the Ayn Rand Center for Individual Rights, which is a division of the Ayn Rand Institute. Thank you, Lynn.

Thank you for having me.

And think, in your life, who would you like to speak up to? Where would you like to have more courage? In what situations? Name those situations and then practice in your own mind how to speak up. What would you like to say? If you can learn assertiveness skills, that will arm you tremendously.

For more Dr. Kenner podcast, go to DrKenner.com.

Here's an excerpt from The Selfish Path to Romance by Dr. Ellen Kenner:

John and his new wife, Mandy, are initially passionate lovers, but after a few months, John gets wrapped up in some difficult work project and takes his worries home, ignoring Mandy. At dinner, both complain about job problems. After dinner, John does the dishes while she pays some bills. Finally, they go to bed, and John is suddenly aroused by seeing Mandy undress. He tries to make love, but gets the brush off. Mandy isn't in the mood, because there's been no love-related communication since John got home. The same thing happens several days in a row. A barrier starts to grow, and they find themselves increasingly aggravated by little things that the other does or doesn't do. The marriage slowly deteriorates because both are functioning on automatic. Their initial emotion of love does not carry them through the ins and outs of daily living.

You can download chapter one for free at DrKenner.com, and you can buy the book at Amazon.com.