The Rational Basis® of Happiness Podcast

Download chapter one for free at DrKenner.com and Amazon.com.

Can I get a double pizza burger, chili fries with cheese, and a large chocolate milkshake? I don’t know. No matter what I eat, my weight just seems to stay the same. So, I figure, what the hell, I’m gonna eat what I want, and that's from Shallow Hal.

Have you ever had that experience where you set a goal for yourself, in this case, losing weight, and you just feel like you're not making any progress? At a certain point, you just throw up your arms and say, "What the heck? I'll eat anything I want." With me today to discuss thinking problems—whether it’s just giving up on yourself, having emotions get in the way, feeling overloaded, or struggling with self-doubt—is Jean Moroney. She's an expert on thinking, the foundation for all the problems you're going to have in life, and she helps you make your life run smoother. She’s got corporate clients from BB&T, Microsoft, Amazon, and she holds two master's degrees—one in electrical engineering and one in psychology. She has a passion for helping people think better. Welcome to the show, Jean.

Jean: Thanks for having me, Ellen.

Ellen: So, what do you do if you're in a situation where you're trying to lose weight but feel like you're not making any progress? What might be getting in the way?

Jean: I think it's helpful to realize upfront that if you’re having trouble reaching a goal, there's almost certainly some kind of thinking problem involved. If you’d been able to figure out the steps, making it easy and systematic for yourself, you’d march right toward that goal. So, when you feel like giving up, and the goal is important, there’s some thinking to do about what the problem might be.

Ellen: I know we're discussing the goal of losing weight. What would be one suggestion for someone struggling with that, like, “I’ll just order all these fatty foods because no matter what I eat, I don’t lose weight. So I figure, what the hell?”

Jean: I’d suggest starting by thinking about what you’re really trying to do and identifying the problems there. For example, I've been on diets and exercise programs, and I know that one problem can be the constant temptation of food, or there never being a time to exercise, or maybe not liking the foods I'm supposed to eat. If she turned her attention to figuring out the problem, she might find a lot of interconnected issues. She could actually be overwhelmed by the many small problems that need solving to lose weight.

Ellen: So the problem there is overload. What could she do about that?

Jean: Recognize that overload is a real problem. You can only think about so many things at once, so if you’re experiencing overload, it’s important to address it. A common approach is to make a list—write down everything that’s getting in the way of achieving that goal. There could be many reasons like, “I don’t have time to exercise,” or “I love the foods I eat and can’t give them up,” or “I eat when I’m nervous.”

When you get those down on paper, it helps you focus and understand why it's an issue. Once it's on paper, it’s not running around in your head, and you can start addressing things one at a time. The key when overloaded is to tackle issues one at a time. There may also be another problem here, which I’d like to mention if you don’t mind.

Ellen: Sure, go ahead.

Jean: The other issue might be doubt or uncertainty. Sometimes, the challenges are questions, like, “How will I find time to exercise?” or “How am I going to say no?” Doubt and uncertainty are a second major thinking block, and they need a different approach. What would you do?

Ellen: Hey, I have to interrupt—quick ad break, and then we’ll be back.

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Ellen: You need a different approach. What would you do?

Jean: My recommendation is to write down what you do know. For example, if exercising is an issue, you could write down what you know about why it’s a problem, like, “It doesn’t work at this time,” or “I’m too tired in the evening,” or “I don’t like going to the gym—it’s boring.” Writing down what you do know lets you gain perspective. Then you can take the crucial step of testing your assumptions about what you “know.” If you’re feeling doubt, the first thing is to consolidate what you know and identify open questions. Rereading what you’ve written can help reveal untested assumptions, like, “Maybe exercising at 8 a.m. is a good idea,” even if you thought it wouldn’t work initially.

Ellen: That’s a great example. What if I’m overloaded with my schedule and have too much to do every day?

Jean: The two basic solutions to thinking problems are helpful here: one for overload and one for uncertainty. If you feel blocked, switch from thinking in your head to writing it down. Write full sentences—this helps reveal if your problem is uncertainty or overload.

Ellen: For me, it feels more like overload than uncertainty. If I wrote everything down, I’d likely prioritize better, circle the most important tasks, and focus on those. Is that what you’re suggesting?

Jean: Exactly. Make a list of everything overwhelming you, then prioritize. Often, people make the list without issue, but struggle with deciding what’s most important or accepting that some items won’t get done—that’s where doubt kicks in.

Ellen: I do have this issue, and I handle it by focusing on one thing at a time. It’s like having kids in line—they wait patiently while I work on one task and enjoy it thoroughly before moving on to the next.

Jean: Giving yourself permission to tackle things bit by bit lowers the standard. You don’t feel pressured to find the perfect solution. You can try what seems best first, then revisit the question later, which makes everything clearer.

Ellen: That sounds great. I’m speaking with Jean Moroney. If you feel stuck, overwhelmed, or doubtful, Jean is the person to turn to. She has a website full of resources and free information, including thinking tips and workshops. Tell us more about what you offer, Jean.

Jean: If you visit ThinkingDirections.com, you’ll find a free email newsletter, free intro sessions for my Thinking Tactics course, workshops, and plenty of tips and book recommendations to explore.

Ellen: Wonderful recommendations. Thank you so much for joining us today. I look forward to speaking again.

Jean: Thanks, Ellen.

Ellen: If you learn to think better and manage overload, you’ll be easier to live with, more lovable, and a better partner in a relationship. For more on relationships, visit DrKenner.com for my book co-authored with Dr. Ed Locke. I’m Dr. Ellen Kenner. Join me next week on The Rational Basis of Happiness.

For more of Dr. Kenner’s podcasts, visit DrKenner.com.

Here’s an excerpt from The Selfish Path to Romance, by Drs. Kenner and Locke:

As your relationship develops, notice if it becomes more positive, more negative, or stays the same. With a great partner, love gradually grows in depth and intensity, without contradictory evidence. A positive trajectory shows a good match. But if it moves downward, you’re likely discovering incompatibilities. Flat trajectories indicate a lack of passion or staying together out of convenience.

Download chapter one for free at DrKenner.com, and buy the book on Amazon.com.