The Rational Basis® of Happiness Podcast

Transcript

The Selfish path to romance. Download chapter one for free at DrKenner.com, and @amazon.com

Ralph, you're having some difficulty. You're feeling a little bummed out, huh?

Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. It's been about one on two and a half years since I've had a decent job.

Okay, so that's what's getting you most down, is in the career area you don't have a job.

Well, that into here about five years ago, I was ordered to pay child support, yeah, and the child's not mine, and it was told in court that it wasn't mine, but because I signed the name on the birth certificate, they said I'm liable for paying child support.

Okay? And what's going on with that now?

Well, I'm behind two months in child support, and they've sent me a letter ordering me to come back to court

and you're not able to work. So tell me what a typical day looks like for you.

Well, it's been going downhill ever since my girlfriend that I've been staying with, she's kind of been supporting me all the way financially, financially, you know, she tries to

talk to me, you know, getting reason things out. But it's getting here lately, I can't, don't want to reason things out. It's just, I don't know. It just looks like a dead-end closet to me.

Okay, did you mean dead end, meaning you don't see any way out of the hole,

plus names like working on last, last year I've been working on my GED. I quit the ninth grade. Yeah, and my grade levels were so low that when I went to take my GED test, my grade levels were on elementary level. Yeah, and now then I've got them up, but that's not helping me right now,

you've got your grades up a bit. Oh yeah, quite a bit. Tell me to what point.

Well, it was from a fourth-grade level. Now I'm up to 11th-grade level,

11th-grade congratulations. Thank you. When we get bummed out, we don't focus on our actual accomplishments, that can actually give you a spark of hope?

Well, it does. It helps me keep going, because I realized I'm accomplishing something. Yes, I don't know why it is here lately, but well, I do. Go ahead.

The government passed the law or passed some kind of bill or something that no one is paid off behind that for education, yeah. And all of these workplaces, it don't matter if you're out here digging a ditch or whatever it is you're trying to do, they require you to have a high school diploma. Yeah, yeah. And I think that's not good, because there's a lot of people don?t have time to go get a GED

and but they need to work anyway.

So partly, you're saying, on a much broader perspective, from a much broader perspective, the government is preventing you from digging ditches or from doing some sort of work that could keep you gainfully employed and help you rise, help you grow.

Well, that's true, and it seems like the government tries every way in the world to bring you down. You try to pick stuff up.

Yeah, that really, really matters. Let's focus in on your personal life, because you're exactly right with the government, meaning that if they pass laws that look like they're pro-work, they're pro getting people back to work. They're really assuming that people are incapable of doing it without the government, and people are capable of finding jobs and doing much better without government intervention. I know that's not the focus of the show, though. So let's get back to your life, because you want to not ask yourself, what are my reasons for being down in the dumps, but what are the little glimmers of hope, meaning you were able to raise your grade level from a fourth-grade level to an 11th-grade level. And I know I just got a note here from my producer that says he sounds smart, so you impress my producer.

Well, thank you very much.

But you want to be aware that you do come across as thoughtful. You do come across as motivated to change. You've made this phone call, and that is not small potatoes. That is major. Many people fight for that ability to fight for their own happiness, and that's something you never want to give up on. Ralph, you want to fight for your own happiness, and you don't want to make it a fight. You want to make it a thoughtful process. You want to be able to use your thinking skills. And this doesn't require college-level thinking. In fact, college corrupts many minds. So you may have been better off not having gone through college. You know, I went to one of the better, supposedly better colleges, Brown University, and I have, I feel enormous contempt for it, because of the way it crosses many good people's minds. You know, it doesn't teach them how to think. It teaches them how to feel guilty for their success.

So if you could build on your success, what I would say is, you've gotten to the 11th-grade level. Are you doing a broad job search for yourself?

I go out every day. Yeah, go out. I get on the internet. Look, yeah, I go to Career Centers, I go to temporary services. I go all over the place.

Boy, if I were wanting to hire someone, I'd want someone like you who's got here's another character trait that you have, perseverance, stick-to-itiveness.

Do what now?

You have perseverance, the ability to stick with something, the ability to be a go-getter.

Yes, ma?am.

So if you can continue doing that and impress people the way you're impressing me right now, and you're not trying to impress me, then that will help you. What other things, what are you good at?

Well, here for the last year or so, I've been doing some singing and stuff. I do benefits for people that are in need. Okay, I go to nursing homes, sing.

Do you get paid for that? Excuse me, do you get paid for that?

Oh, I did voluntarily.

Okay, can you see if you can transfer that into an arena where you could get paid, even if it's a minimal amount for doing that, because if you have the skills, why not make it a trade? Because volunteering helps you in one sense, you feel your own competence, but it doesn't help you in terms of trading and earning a living. Listen, listen, I wish we had more time romance.

I wish I knew more about what girls want from a relationship. Boy, I wish I knew more about what I want. Where's that ad I saw? Here it is The Selfish Path to Romance, a serious romance guidebook. Download chapter one for free at selfishromance.com and buy it @amazon.com huh? The Selfish Path to Romance that is interesting. And here's a little more from Dr. Kenner.

Think now it'd be as good a time as any to crank up the old camcorder. Nah, maybe later.

Oh, Dad, you've been saying no for weeks now. Just sit here and talk about your life.

Life's got nothing to do with it. This is about me dying and you having something to look at after I'm dead. Whole thing gives me the creeps.

I can't believe you're refusing to record your history because it gives you the creeps. I don't know why you're being so negative about this. It's not really for when you're dead. It's for when you've lost your mind, and that's from Frasier.

And you know, many of us like to be able to retain memories of those we love, and we have photo albums, and it's not even when someone dies. I am very glad that I kept photos of my kids growing up, that we had so many wonderful memories together. And had I not kept photo albums, we would have just had a nice emotional feel, and you'd have an occasional memory, but you wouldn't have the detailed memories of what went on in their past that was so joyous. And I know my kids come home and they will sit down on the stairs and with maybe with a friend, and sit down on the stairs and just randomly pick out a photo album and look at it and share a little bit of their past, a little slice of their past, with their friend or so. And I don't know how that is in your life, maybe you like recording the history. Maybe you don't like recording it. Maybe you feel it's too intrusive, like Dad just felt in Frasier. Dad just felt it was too intrusive. He didn't want to do it, and Frasier was not respecting that. Frasier needed to respect that, obviously.

For more Dr. Kenner podcasts, go to DrKenner.com and please listen to this ad.

Here's an excerpt from The Selfish Path to Romance, the serious romance guidebook by clinical psychologist Dr. Ellen Kenner and Dr. Edwin Locke.

Positive habits such as courteous manners and being considerate make a relationship run smoothly. Other positive habits include voluntarily helping out around the house, leaving love notes and cards to surprise your partner, frequently exchanging hugs and kisses, and dressing nicely even around the house. By making it a goal, you and your partner can acquire such habits, even if lacking them initially. Time management is frequently a source of tension. Is one partner habitually late, even when being on time is objectively important? This shows a lack of integrity. Or is one obsessed with time management, compulsively rushing through life and having no fun? This is a psychological

problem. You can download chapter one for free by going to DrKenner.com and you can buy the book @amazon.com