The Rational Basis® of Happiness Podcast

The Selfish Path to Romance. Download chapter one for free at DrKenner.com.

This weekend, actually, not this weekend, it was Tuesday night, I had the absolute pleasure of going to the theater. I rarely do this, and when I do, I thoroughly enjoy it. I went to see the Broadway play Crazy for You. If you haven't seen it, I recommend it. It's an adaptation of Ira and George Gershwin's 1930s hit, Girl Crazy. The songs in it, the musical numbers, just had me wanting to get out of my seat and dance. Songs like I've Got Rhythm, Someone to Watch Over Me, They Can't Take That Away from Me, and Nice Work if You Can Get It. I loved it. Now, my voice isn't that great—I used to be in the choir if you can believe that, but it's been decades since. I thought it was absolutely phenomenal. I went with my sisters, and we had such a great time, and a very close friend and her husband, so we had the best time. At the very end, I burst into tears. Now, why would I do that? I think emotions are fascinating, and I'll come back and talk a little bit about that later in the show.

Speaking of George Gershwin, he wrote Swanee at the age of 19. You may also know him from Rhapsody in Blue, An American in Paris, or Porgy and Bess, which he wrote in 1935. He wrote musical numbers for Fred Astaire, Bob Hope, and W.C. Fields. What you may not know is that he was not a good student; he dropped out of school at age 15, but he became enormously successful very early on. He was wonderfully talented and often the life of the party. So, you get this guy in his 30s, he's the life of the party, he's produced Porgy and Bess, or he's written the music for Porgy and Bess. And suddenly—

Hey, I gotta interrupt this, because we've got to pay some bills. Thirty seconds, that's it. A very quick ad, and then Alan will be back.

Romance. I wish I knew more about what girls want from a relationship. Well, I wish I knew more about what I want. Where’s that ad I saw? Here it is—the Selfish Path to Romance, a serious romance guidebook. Download chapter one for free at selfishromance.com and buy it at Amazon.com. Huh? The Selfish Path to Romance, that is interesting.

So, you get this guy in his 30s, he's the life of the party, he's produced Porgy and Bess, or he's written the music for Porgy and Bess, and suddenly he starts to withdraw from society, and he starts accusing people of stealing from him. Now, mind you, he's very wealthy at this point, so he goes to a psychiatrist, and the psychiatrist slaps on a diagnosis that he's depressed. And what are his symptoms? Well, he's got headaches and dizzy spells and blackouts. So, if you know anybody that's depressed, do you see them blacking out a lot? What they actually found out was he had the most malignant type of brain tumor—a glioblastoma multiforme. He had emergency surgery, and unfortunately, we lost George Gershwin. I just, I love his music.

So, if you're depressed, if someone comes to me and they're depressed, I say, "Have you been to a medical doctor? How is your thyroid functioning?" Now, nobody knows; it’s like, "Well, let me check." You know, it’s, "Have you had your thyroid checked? Maybe it’s hypothyroidism, maybe there’s a brain tumor." So first, you always want to rule out a medical problem. And then, if the medical doctor says, "Hey, look, your MRIs are coming out clean, you don’t have any brain tumors, your thyroid levels are fine, you’re in good health," then it’s fine to go ahead and assume that you’ve got just a psychological problem—that you’re depressed.

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Here's an excerpt from The Selfish Path to Romance by clinical psychologist Dr. Ellen Kenner.

George and Diane disagree on where to spend the holidays. George might give her the silent treatment or act annoyingly in some unrelated way. Diane would know that something is wrong, but she wouldn’t know what it is. This is a passive or passive-aggressive approach to communication. Both a passive and an aggressive communication style undermine any chance of having a good relationship. But if George has assertiveness skills, he might say, "Honey, considering all the frustration we go through with our parents on these holiday get-togethers, I wonder why we need to go through the same fiascos again this year. Let’s put our heads together and come up with some alternatives. What do you think about visiting with our parents before the holiday and then going on that vacation in the Bahamas we’ve always dreamed about?"

You can download chapter one for free by going to DrKenner.com, and you can buy the book at Amazon.com.