The Rational Basis® of Happiness Podcast

The Selfish Path to Romance. Download chapter one for free at DrKenner.com, and Amazon.com.

Chris, welcome to the show.

Thank you.

You're dealing with bipolar, a diagnosis of bipolar for your son or daughter?

I've got a daughter with it.

How old is she?

She's seven.

She's seven years old, and what was going on that you've sought help?

I have no idea, actually. I mean, she's been on different medications, and I don't know which way to turn. Sometimes it seems like something will work for so long, and then it's like nothing does.

Okay. First there... What?

At first, the medications start to work, and she's fine. Then after they're in her system for so long, she's back to the way she was.

When did she first get put on medications?

She started out when she was about two years old. They said that she was ADHD, and then they found out that she wasn’t. When I took her to a hospital, they ran tests on her and stated that she was bipolar.

And what was their evidence? Do you know?

I have no idea, hon.

Okay, one of the first things that I would want to do is to understand what bipolar is and to understand why the doctors diagnosed her. Were they psychologists or psychiatrists who diagnosed her as bipolar?

Yes, they were psychiatrists.

Do you know what bipolar is?

It is a mood, chemical imbalance in the brain.

Okay, this is up for debate. You can say it’s a chemical imbalance in the brain, and in some cases, that’s what it might be. But mood shifts in children can also be caused by their thought patterns, and if you can help them think more clearly, then they won’t have the range of moods—from feeling really down in the dumps, really depressed, to being very active and acting irrationally. What are some of the things that she does that you think are out of the norm?

She likes to... she bites herself.

She does a lot of things?

Yes, and she's been doing that since what age?

Two years old. She started out, and it just got worse as she got older.

Does she have siblings?

She’s got a younger sibling.

How old?

She’s two, three years old.

So your daughter’s seven, and the three-year-old is fine, as far as you know?

Yeah.

And what do you love about your seven-year-old?

All of her... I mean, I love everything about her. She’s got a great personality.

What makes you laugh? You've got a nice smile there.

Thank you. Just... both my girls. I mean, with her, there’s never a dull day around. It’s just... I don’t know how to explain it. It’s just knowing that I've got two beautiful little girls to wake up to each day.

That makes you happy. But does she do something that makes you feel so warm inside about her, makes you feel proud of her?

She learns a little bit more... she’s a slow learner, and just overall, I mean, like how she comes in the evening, she'll sit down, “Mom, will you read me a book?”

So you have cozy times together?

Yes.

Here’s my take on children—so many of them get unfortunately diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and that bothers me because I see a lot of those kids as just wonderfully energized, playful kids. Is that her in the background?

Yeah, wonderfully playful kids with just energy that’s unfocused. You know, people will say Mark Twain himself would have been diagnosed, and Huckleberry Finn would have been diagnosed with ADHD. Now, that’s pretty good company. So what I recommend is not getting so caught up in the labels and instead giving her skills. There’s a type of psychological therapy that even children can have.

Hey, I gotta interrupt this, because we’ve got to pay some bills. 30 seconds, that’s it. A very quick ad, and then Alan will be back.

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There’s a type of therapy, psychological therapy, that even children can have. It’s called cognitive therapy. And you can go to their website, Academy of Cognitive Therapy (cognitivetherapy.org), and look up information on it, or you can even email them, asking about bipolar and children.

Okay, and there’s a doctor there, Dr. Corey Newman, who’s a specialist in bipolar disorder. He may be able to help you out, or they may recommend some books for you. There are cognitive therapy books for children. I highly recommend that she learns how to understand her own emotions. And it’s great for adults to do this too. You could do it as a parent, and that will help.

Another thing is, how do you parent your kids? Most of us are really at sea with how to parent, and if we gave ourselves a scorecard... you know, in private moments, we may not give ourselves such a great grade. You know, you’re laughing. Does that hit home a little bit?

Well, sometimes. I mean, some things... I mean, she's a slow learner, and it takes her a little bit extra time to catch on.

With her being seven, really, she’s a little bit lower than her age level.

When I was a young kid, I read comic books in sixth grade. It was killing my mother because she was a very bright woman, and you could say that, in some sense, I was a slow learner. I was unmotivated. But boy, when I got the right motivation, you couldn’t stop me. So just be aware that children, if they’re given the right skills, can learn better. And you want to get away from the label of a slow learner. If you think of her as a slow learner, guess what? You’ll treat her as a slow learner, and she’ll feel like a slow learner. And those labels are so destructive, as is the label bipolar.

Yes.

With me, it was the same way in school, and I had lower grades than most students. But I mean, I just want to see better for my child.

Wonderful. So you’re motivated. I would get the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. That is on my website, DrKenner.com—just go to my website under books, children’s books, and you will see that. And there’s also How to Talk So Kids Will Learn, written by the same authors, Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. If you read those, that is the best gift you can give to yourself and to your kids.

My kids love the way I parented them, and they told me that they would like me to raise their kids. I’m going to give them those books. If I had not read those books, I would have been a lousy parent. They are chock-full of skills. You’ll learn how to break out of having your kid pegged in a role as a slow learner, and you’ll see more opportunities to help her see the best in herself and encourage the best in her.

Thank you so much for your call, and I wish you some good success with this.

Thank you.

Okay, happy parenting.

Thank you.

For more Dr. Kenner podcasts, go to DrKenner.com, and please listen to this ad.

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