The Rational Basis® of Happiness Podcast

Transcript

The Selfish path to romance. Download chapter one for free at DrKenner.com and @amazon.com and right now, I want to turn to the phones and welcome Rochez.

Hello, hi.
How are you?
Hey, what's going on?

Well, that's my question to you. What's going on? What question would you like answered?

Oh, no, I'm trying to figure out what should I start off. It's like I've been having, like, high bursts of, like, mood swings. One minute I'm down, the next minute I'm up. Like real madness. Like simple signs can make me go off. You know, I'm a nice person. It's just certain things, it'll make me mad, make me go off.

And what??
Pat, yeah. And how old are you?

Twenty-two.

You're 22 years old, and you just lose it at times. Something triggers it and you just lose it. You get real angry?

Yes, ma'am.

Have you hit or punched or kicked or done anything to a person? Have you crossed the line?

Well, not a person, like things, you know.

Give me an example of some things that you would punch or kick.

A wall, or, you know, not a person.

Yeah, and you're wanting to know what causes this?

Yes, ma'am, and how I can get some help. If it is, you know, if it's bipolar, whatever it is, how can I get help and what causes it?

Okay, I won't be able to diagnose whether it's bipolar or not. I can tell you what some of the symptoms of bipolar are, but that doesn't mean that you necessarily have it, because there are other things that you definitely want to rule out. Well, I could tell you a few things with bipolar. But do you know what the two different poles are?

Do I know what the two?what, it's called bipolar? What do you know about bipolar, Ro?

I recently had a girlfriend, me and her, we kind of going through some things because of it. But, oh, not too much. I just know it could be?it could be caused by, like, trauma when you're younger. Somebody could have done something to you or?

Yeah, and tell me what trauma you had when you were younger.

Whatever it is, I don't remember.

You don't remember at all. What was it like growing up in your family? Was it a mom and a dad with you? Or did you have siblings with you?

Yeah, I had both, mom, dad, they're still together now, and a little sister.

And were mom and dad wonderful parents, nurturing, or did they lose it at times? Did either one of them have anger problems?

My dad.

Your dad did. Did he get angry at mom? Did he get angry at you?

Everybody. Everybody.

And give me a memory that you have of Dad getting angry. What's the type of thing he would do?

Just kind of like when he got out of work, everybody would kind of just go to their room. They?d go their separate ways and close their door or whatever. He probably pissed because of something at work, or somebody come in the house sounding? you know, things like that. So on a regular basis.

So Dad would come in and he would be?you would all have to hide away. You?d have to hide from him. Is that what you're saying?

Right, right.

And if you didn't hide?if he got a hold of you?what would he do if he got a hold of you?

Well, he'd just get loud and, you know, say things. But he wouldn't, you know, carry out what?

What would he say? What would he threaten? It sounds like he would say things but he wouldn't carry them out. What would he threaten to do?

Just bad things. It's been a while. See, I've been on my own ever since I was 19, yeah, and it's kind of been a while, but it wasn't nothing too nice. And I also had, like, two scars?one on both sides of my shoulders. I don't know what happened. Something like that.

You have two scars, so something happened to you in childhood that you don't recall, right?

I don't know what?it looked like either some bad wounds or bullet marks? you know, some?

What? I can't hear the words. Help me out. It looks like?

I can't word?or think of the word right now. It looked like a bullet on both sides of my shoulder, like a stab wound, like someone?

A stab wound. Okay. So you?
It may be that? I worked with a lot of abused children, from two and a half years old on through actually adults, you know?adults who had been abused. But when I worked with the children, they went through really severe trauma. I mean, some of them had broken ribs. Parents would learn how to hit where it wouldn't show, so they would hit on the torso, because the kids would wear clothes and could still go to school. And kids were taught how to lie?where the bruises came from. And the kids had to put up with enormous irrationality of their parents.

And if you've had a childhood like that that you're trying to blank out, maybe these moments where you get angry?maybe there's something that's similar.

What has happened? Give me a situation recently where you just lost it.

Hey, I got to interrupt this, because we've got to pay some bills. Thirty seconds, that's it. A very quick ad and then Alan will be back.

Romance.
I wish I knew more about what girls want from a relationship.
Boy, I wish I knew more about what I want.
Where's that ad I saw?
Here it is?The Selfish Path to Romance, a serious romance guidebook. Download chapter one for free at SelfishRomance.com and buy it at Amazon.com.
Huh? The Selfish Path to Romance? that is interesting.

Give me a situation recently where you just lost it.

Around Christmastime, my girlfriend, she ended up saying something to me, and I just went the hell off. I just went off.

You yelled at her?

Yes.

And did you do anything else? Did?

No, I just yelled at her.

Okay. The fact that you're seeking help is wonderful. It's really a tribute to you. And if you're looking to get some clinical help with that, I would rule out something?and I mentioned this?would be post-traumatic stress disorder. It's after you've gone through trauma. You don't necessarily try to block it out, but it hasn't been successful, and it will come through periodically.

You could get some help. You could go to the website?do you have a paper and pencil?

Yes, ma'am. You said it's post?it's medic??

Well, I don't?I can't diagnose you over the air, but the children that I worked with, some of them had bipolar, and you had asked, you know, what is bipolar. Well, the two moods are depressed and then manic. Manic is when you really lose it. But that doesn't mean?

It sounds like you've been through some serious trauma. It sounds more like post-traumatic stress disorder, where you're?and I don't know if you're having intrusive recollections or some flashbacks or something that's going on?but the fact that you don't remember your childhood tells me that there's some trauma work that might benefit you.

You could go to the AcademyOfCT.org, the Academy of Cognitive Therapy?C as in Cognitive, T as in Therapy?.org. And they have a lot of information on bipolar and post-traumatic stress disorder that you could look up and read about, and get books that you could? you might enjoy them.

For more Dr. Kenner podcasts, go to DrKenner.com and please listen to this ad. Here's an excerpt from The Selfish Path to Romance by Doctors Kenner and Locke.

Here are some more tips for handling unreasonable resistance. Do not get drawn into playing mind games. A reasonable person living with an abusive partner can sometimes be provoked into acting irrationally and out of character?yelling, swearing, throwing the partner's clothes on the lawn. The abusive partner may turn these irrational actions into a false judgment of the rational person's character. It is important to hold context when evaluating yourself in such circumstances, and get away from partners who try to undermine your self-respect.

Use the pronoun ?I???I language?: I feel upset?to describe what you experience, and avoid attacking using ?you? language: You never are on time. You are always late.

Download chapter one for free at DrKenner.com and @amazon.com.