The Rational Basis® of Happiness Podcast

The Selfish Path to Romance. Download chapter one for free at DrKenner.com and Amazon.com.

And right now, I want to welcome Whitney to the show. You're dealing with depression.

I've suffered for about a year, but I'm kind of feeling like I might need to come off my medicine, and I just want a question about what you think.

Well, can I give you a little background first?

Okay, when you talk about medicine, let me just give you some framework here. If you're thinking of coming off medication, you're being followed by a psychiatrist, I'm assuming, not really anymore. It's been so long and I've been doing so well that I really just get

Okay. Have you when you say you're doing well, Whitney, are you learning thinking skills? Are you to getting any cognitive therapy? No, okay, because here's one of the problems with medication, if you have not been monitored, and if you are trying to just wean yourself off of them or get off of them, you really need to know about the medication, how to get off of it. And you simultaneously want to build the self-confidence that you have learned the skills or made the changes in your life, for example, if you were out of a job for a really long time, Whitney, and then finally, you're employed, and you're so happily employed, and you have friends at the job, and you know that the situation has changed and that you're nowhere near a depression anymore. And in that case, I definitely would take make a visit to a doctor, though, and do it with medical help. You want to give me a little background. Go ahead,

but yes, the whole thing, the whole reason I became depressed, I had a major depressive episode, but it only lasted about two weeks, and it was right at the time that I was trying a new birth control, and I just, I'm a psychology major, okay, I learned all about these things, and I just wondered if it really could have been situational, or if that medicine could have put me in such a downfall that, you know, I needed medicine, of course, to get out of it. But I just wonder if, now that I'm off birth control and having no problem, if I really am still depressed at all, or if I really was, or if it was just a medicine,

have you had a history of being depressed before? No, not like that.

No, I came back, I'm in college, and I came back to college, and I always have a little problem with adjustment, but it takes me a couple of days to get over it, and I came back to college and just could not I couldn't get out of bed. I just was majorly depressed. So I went home, went to the doctor, and they put me on some meds, told me I was in a major episode. But soon after I got on the medicine, it didn't even take the full, you know, four weeks, two to four weeks to right, to kick in, kick in, I just started feeling better. And I've been on it now for a year and a half. I've never had any problems since. Yeah, I also haven't been taking that medicine. So I just don't know if my personal situation how to tell,

oh, that's and that's a hard one to factor out. And you definitely need a medical doctor. I don't know what's in a birth control pill. Let me, let me just say a few words, though, you when you were in the deep depression, the question is, hey,

I got to interrupt this because we've got to pay some bills 30 seconds. That's it. A very quick ad, and then Alan will be back.

Romance. Oh, I wish guys knew more about what we want from a relationship. Boy, I wish I knew more about what I want. Where's that ad I saw here? It is the selfish path to romance, a serious romance guidebook. Download chapter one for free at selfishromance.com and buy it at Amazon.com hmm, the selfish path to romance that is interesting. When you

were in the deep depression. The question is, what thoughts were going through your mind? Because the psychological aspect of depression is what you want to track. And you don't want to feel you don't want to be left with but now I feel better. You want to know what's changed. You don't want to ever leave something in a mushy feeling state. So what? What thoughts were going through your mind when you went into that two week depression? It

was, it was un completely unknown. I had no idea why I was feeling so terrible. I mean, my parents had gone through divorce a couple years back, and I was dealing with it and trusting to college. So I can see some situational things that definitely were going on. But those were not the thought that I was having during that depression. It was literally what is wrong with me? I have no idea what's going on. This is all so sudden, but I just feel terrible. It was completely just, I mean, I wasn't necessarily, I mean, I was having some suicidal thoughts, but not any kind of serious suicidal thoughts, just questioning, you know, why I was in this position. Those were. Was thought that was going through my head.

Okay, so if it wasn't that, oh my god, what if I fail college, or what if I find a boyfriend and get divorce? It was no content. It was sometimes, when you think of anxiety, sometimes people have free floating anxiety. They're just so revved up. They're so anxious. And you ask them, what's it about? And they say, I don't know. I just feel so revved up, you know, the way that someone would feel if they were given some medication. And maybe that is exactly all that's happened, in which case, it's really sad that they gave you a diagnosis of major depression, and you want to find out more about birth control pills and the particular one that you were on. And I don't know if you could call your OB GYN person, your gynecologist, try to figure out and definitely get as much information as you can. You're already a student, you know, a psych student, so get the information you can about what that birth control does. Because if you decide to go into the field of psychology, you need to be able to rule out a medical cause to a problem. I mean, I can think of being on medication myself, where you know you're coming out of anesthesia and you are definitely not yourself, or you're given some medication. I remember once I was given an inhalant because I had the flu and I needed to be able to talk on air, some steroid and, man, that put me, that put me flying. I just, I was very anxious too, and that was just medication induced. So it's always important. One of the first rule out you want whenever you're feeling depressed or anxious is a medical rule out you want to make sure that it's not a thyroid condition, that it there's not something else systemic going on, and only your medical doctor can really tell you that. Then you can go to a psychologist, if they give you a clean bill of health. Now you're doing it it backwards. If you find out that birth control can indeed cause this type of a mood that particular pill can cause this type of a mood swing, then you want to be very good for yourself and not carry the label of major depression through life. Right? You want, because the labels do what type of a thing to a person?

Just, you just always think you attribute, it causes you attribute everything to that.

Oh, you know what? I'm just a depressed person. You know, I had a major episode once, and as opposed to, you know, I took birth control pills once, and I think I had an interaction, and it got misdiagnosed, and they thought I was in a depression. It's too bad I didn't see the medical doctor first. And so labels stick, and you don't want to do that to yourself. So I think that if you got a thorough it would definitely be worth a medical doctor. You're going to see your medical doctor, especially one your your gynecologist.

Great, and thank you. And here's a little more from Dr. Kenner,

I need your help. I have to ask Lorraine out, but I don't know how to do it. All right, okay, listen, keep your pants on. She's over in the cafe. All right. There she is, George, just go in there and invite her. Okay, but I don't know what to say. Would you say anything? George? Say, Well, whatever's natural. The first thing that comes into your mind,

nothing's coming to my mind. And

that's from Back to the Future, I think, part one. And we've all been in those situations where you just are put on the spot and you have to say something to someone important. Maybe it's a boss, maybe you're going on an interview for college, maybe you're just meeting a person for the first time on a date, and what do you say? What happens? Most of us get a little anxious, and that paralyzes our mind, and one of the big mistakes we make is we think, will they like me? And if you're thinking, will they like me, you're not thinking, will I like them? And if you shift that focus to Oh, what am I liking about her? What would I what am I curious about? What does she enjoy? What music? What hobbies? What sports? Does she play? A sport? If you shift your focus from self judgment, am I good enough to what do I like about her? It makes all the difference in the world.

For more Dr. Kenner podcasts, go to DrKenner.com and please listen to this. Ned, Here's

an excerpt from The Selfish Path to Romance by Drs. Kenner and Locke,

A successful romantic relationship requires a warm, loving atmosphere. Anger is a big romance destroyer. You cannot simultaneously be warm and angry toward a person. Occasional anger is not uncommon, but it cannot be the prevailing mood of a happy relationship. Anger comes in many forms, belittlement, sarcasm, insults, criticism. One of the most common forms is resentment for real or imagined slights or injustices. Partners who hold grudges for days, weeks, months, or even years without expressing them keep their loved ones in a state of bewilderment. Eventually, the victim of anger withdraws emotionally from the relationship, which leads to more resentment and a downward love trajectory.

You can download chapter one for free at DrKenner.com, and you can buy the book at Amazon.com.