Home

 

Clinical Psychologist Dr. Ellen Kenner
host of
The RATIONAL Basis of Happiness ® radio show

"Love,friendship, respect, admiration are the emotional response of one man to the virtues of another..." AYN RAND

 

www.DrKenner.com

 

Home

Why this name

Site map

Exit

 

Happiness

Ask Dr. K

Radio Show

Quiz

Therapy

Publications

Terrorism

You are here>>

Definitions

Career

>Romance

Hobbies

Friends
and family

Morality:
Good minus God

Misc

Books
worth reading

Obstacles

More on this topic>>

 

 

Sex

Divorce

 

 

 

 

 

Romance

 

Ask any question
877-Dr-Kenner
(877-375-3663)
Call toll-free any Saturday Noon-1pm Eastern Time
(or any other time to record your question for broadcast)
How to call
or
email

Romance The RATIONAL Basis of Romance - Everything you need to know about romance

Romance Seminars:

See below for romance seminars by Dr. Kenner

Marriage vs happiness

When might marriage be an obstacle to happiness? When you discover that you and your spouse have come to hold different fundamental values. In such a case, what if you have kids? Should you still considerdivorce ?

Post-Wedding Blues

Dr. Kenner's advice to Rhode Island Monthly's Bride magazine

Romance Discussion

Hear Dr. Kenner discuss romance on the Prodos radio show

Personal Ad of the Year:

Ever wonder what `Truth in Advertising' would look like if applied to `Personal' ads?

Dating Services:

Farther down this page are links to some of the hundreds of dating services available on the web. This is not an endorsement of  any of these services.

Articles

Single and not loving it?

The RATIONAL Basis® of Sex

Articles and Interview with Dr. Kenner about sexuality

Parenting

Home
   >
Happiness
         Definitions
       
Career
       
Romance
           >>Sex
          
>>Divorce
       
Hobbies
       
Friends and
          family
       
Morality: Good
          minus God
       
Misc
       
Books
          recommended
       
Obstacles
   >
Quiz
   >
Ask Dr. K
   >
Radio Show
   >
Therapy
   >
Publications
   >
Terrorism
Why this name
Exit

Romance books or seminars

 

 

Title/author

Description

Link to purchase

Blackstone Audio Books

Toll free phone number to order unabridged books and catalog

1-800-Say-Book

Romance: Bringing Love and Sex Together Dr. Edwin A. Locke and Dr. Ellen Kenner How do you make your romantic relationship thrive? You cannot rely on feelings alone but must actively think about how to enhance the relationship. Drs. Locke and Kenner cover: the visibility principle, understanding your partner, encouraging your partner to pursue values, making your partner feel loved, joint decision-making and more.
     Sexual intimacy presupposes emotional intimacy. They explore: creating the mood for sex, communication openly about what you want, prioritizing sex, avoiding subverters of sexual pleasure and much more.
[Audio; 8-CD set, 5 hours, 54 minutes, with Q&A]
More Information

The Rational Basis® of Romance Part 1: Choosing a Romantic Partner / Dr. Ellen Kenner, Ph.D

Finding a romantic partner can be one of the most delightful activities in life. Why does it often end up being a drag or a dreadful disappointment? How can you, your children, or your friends act to help make dreams of an ideal romantic partner a reality? What knowledge will make dating an adventure? How do you ask the hard-hitting questions (e.g., "Do you have any social diseases? for instance, altruism")? How do you discover a potential partner's virtues?
[Audio; 5-tape or 5-CD set, 6 hrs.]

The Rational Basis® of Romance Part 2: Courting Success In Romance / Dr. Ellen Kenner, Ph.D

"Romantic," as defined by one dictionary, means marked by the imaginative or emotional appeal of the heroic, adventurous, remote mysterious or idealized. What makes a romantic relationship a success? What are surefire ways to undermine any success?
   This course explores principles to cultivate growing tenderness, mutual respect, understanding and some delightful playfulness in your romantic relationship. Learn how to avoid typical pitfalls of: the altruism trap; the mind-reading trap; the love-test trap; the mismatched-hierarchy trap.
   Learn some helpful skills and standing orders regarding romantic relationships.
[Audio; 6-tape or 6-CD set, 5 hrs., with Q&A]
[Also Internet Course; RealAudio]

More Information

The Rational Basis® of Romance Part 3: Preserving and Strengthening Your Romantic Partnership / Dr. Ellen Kenner, Ph.D

In this course Dr. Kenner offers advice on how to prepare the groundwork for successful long-term relationships, rescue slightly damaged ones or strengthen good partnerships. Drawing upon her experience as a clinical psychologist, she explains and illustrates how to be a careful listener, how to prevent misunderstandings and deal effectively with negative emotions. The course also includes discussions on mutually growing-not stagnating-as individuals, enjoying shared interests, rationally compromising, and dealing with kids and in-laws. Using exercises, role-plays, cognitive therapy interventions and a foundation of Objectivism, Dr. Kenner explores principles and skills to help you keep the spark alive.
[Audio; 5-tape or 5-CD set, 5 hrs., with Q&A]

More Information

Men Who Hate Women & The Women Who Love Them/ Dr. Susan Forward

How do you treat someone you really love? What if your husband, the man who once adored you, increasingly belittles you,  threatens you, and tries to control you? What happens when you have to hide your most joyous moments from your husband? What happens when you start to believe his attacks, blaming yourself unfairly, becoming more submissive and depriving yourself of the very goals that bring you pleasure? How do you break out of this vicious cycle?
     Dr. Forward's book is a welcome eye-opener for any  woman trapped in this situation. She shows how this destructive pattern in relationships develops, what its origins are from childhood experiences, and most importantly, how to regain your self-confidence and the courage to leave the relationship, physically and psychologically. She offers specific advice on how to deal with your own self-sabotage, how to set clear boundaries, how to get professional help and  how to effectively end the relationship.

 

After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful / Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D.

``If you're sticking around only out of guilt, fear or a sense of duty, you may want to rethink your decision, or prepare yourself for a life of self-imposed incarceration: you are the prisoner, and you are the keeper of the keys." ``Affairs are not so much about sex, but about secrets and violation of trust" she says and she continues ``trust is not a gift. It must be earned".

for more information-->

 

AfterAffair

Helping Your Child Through Your Divorce/ Florence Bienenfeld, Ph.D

It's not often that I read a book cover to cover and come away saying  that I can recommend this without commenting that there are some parts I don't agree with. I really loved this book. She keeps the focus on your long range happiness

for more information-->

Getting Through to People The techniques of  persuasion...how to break through the mental and emotional barriers between people / Jesse S. Nirenberg, Ph.D.

A timeless gem that is well worth reading. He has an extrodinary understanding of how to communicate to get ideas across, how to listen with  the purpose of understanding another person, how to deal with heated emotions in conversations, how to detect and deal with another person's irrationality, how to hear mixed contexts in conversation and much  more.
                          for more information-->

Get a Life, Then Get a Man -A Single Woman's Guide / Jennifer Bawden

 

Couples Skills: Making Your Relationship Work / McKay, Fanning and Paleg

Couples Skills is an excellent source for learning essential communication skills. If you can sidestep some erroneous theoretical explanations (e.g., behaviorist or systems theory explanations and occasional moral relativism), you can gain  lifetime skills from this book. It includes realistic examples and useful exercises in each of its four sections: basic communication skills, advanced skills, managing anger and conflict, and understanding  and changing what goes wrong.

The SEX-STARVED Marriage - Boosting your marriage libido/ Michele Weiner Davis

``Show me a couple who has a mutually satisfying sexual relationship and I'll show you a couple I can pick out of a crowd. There's an almost visible bond between them—the gentle touches, knowing glances, laughter and warmth when their  eyes meet. You can feel the connection between them." (Davis, p. 32)
 How many couples miss this with their partner? Sex becomes a  chronic source of tension in too many relationships. One partner has a high drive; the other one has a ``leave me alone" attitude. Michele Davis offers excellent advice for those wanting to rekindle their sexual relationship and strengthen their marriage. She makes astute observations, such as noting the assumption many woman have that their husbands want sex because ``having sex is like scratching an itch; it's a purely physical need."  She continues,``I am convinced that one of the grossest misunderstandings about sex is the belief many women have that men desire sex because they just want, or better  yet, need a physical release. It's true that men (and some women) love an occasional quickie without much emotional hoopla. However I've been privileged to hear men describe the way they really feel when  their wives aren't' interested. And if you've assumed that your husband wants sex just to ``get off," what I've heard will undoubtedly surprise you." (David, p. 56-7) 
 This book is an easy  read, with plenty of relatable examples and excellent tips, i.e., sexy solutions. Davis has an excellent understanding of both partner's dilemmas and she bridges the understanding and communication gap that so often leads couples to divorce or to suffer unhappy marriages. She helps you recapture that mutually satisfying sexual relationship, and more broadly, that soulmate relationship, you may have lost with  your partner.

Other books available at discount

The Right One
Together Dating

Single and not loving it?
 
An unusual tip that you WILL benefit from

Once every few years, my husband looks at me and says ``I'm so glad I'm not single." (I assume that he feels that sentiment more often than that.) What if you are single and longing to have a loving partner, what steps can you take to achieve that state of bliss?

You've tried them all. You've dressed to impress. You've joined your local health club. You've met women or men from ads in the local papers.  You've plunked down big bucks with a dating service.  You've learned lots of icebreakers  to get conversations rolling…and you've discovered that there's ``no one out there for you".

But here's another angle to dating.  Pamper yourself or more accurately, give yourself a lot of good loving attention.  Imagine going to a psychological spa. You get to take a close-up look at yourself from a self-valuing point of view, not from the critical parent point of view nor from a ``what-you-see-is-what-you-get" passive point   of view. Take note of what you like about yourself.  Take note of what you want to improve. In a newspaper article by Hopson, Hopson and Taylor titled Strategies for the Single Who is Looking, the authors suggest the following: ``Stop to take a personal inventory. Think of yourself as a magnet. We attract people into our lives who have many of our own qualities. Imagine the male or female version of yourself. Do you like what you see? If not, which qualities do you need to work on?"

It throws things into a different light when you view yourself from the perspective of an imagined partner who is just like you.

  • If you're a couch potato…imagine your mate as a couch potato. Would you like being married to this person? If not, work on setting some personal goals for yourself. Wake yourself up from your passivity and explore activities that interest you, new career opportunities, hobbies that would keep your couch looking new for years.
  • If you plan your time poorly and you are always racing against the clock …imagine that your mate is exactly the same way.  Would you enjoy being married to him or her? If not, give yourself the pleasure of learning time management skills.
  • If you have not paid your bills in two months and your checkbook hasn't been balanced in years, would you enjoy being married to a partner who shares these ``qualities"? If not, develop more self-respecting  habits in money management.
  • If you're a ``yeller" and a ``hollerer"… imagine you are married to a partner who yells and hollers back. Would you love this trait in your partner? If not, invest in some tapes, books or courses on good communication.
  • If you have not exercised in years and have layers of flab to prove it, would you love to hold a partner in your arms who is in similar physical misshape. If not, give yourself the benefit of some invigorating exercise – your choice of course.
  • If you discover that you already have a lot of good qualities and skills, then no improvement is needed in these areas. If you were married to someone who shared these qualities…well that's exactly what you're after.

Now let's say you take inventory of yourself and you get the attention and skills to improve your life at this psychological spa.  After spending a few months there, you emerge as ``the you" you've  always wished you were. You have a career path that you love. You have learned some time management and financial management skills. You are more proficient at communicating openly, honestly, directly and tactfully. You have an inner feeling of physical stamina and healthiness. You have improved your own self-esteem.

Although you still have to go through the trials and tribulations of meeting many potential partners, it's easier.  When you set off to look for a lifelong partner, you will be more likely to attract someone who values himself as you value yourself.  And that will help make any relationship with this person a  mutual pleasure. You'll be glad you're no longer single, rather than wishing you were single once more and wondering why you ever trapped yourself into a fool relationship with some financially irresponsible, hollering blob of a couch potato.

top of page

 

The RATIONAL Basis of Happiness®
Send e-mail to the webmaster (401) 785-0683
51 Jefferson Blvd., Suite 400, Warwick, RI 02888
 Fight Spam! Click here

Happiness

Ask a question

Radio Show

Publications

Psychotherapy

Terrorism