The Rational Basis® of Happiness Podcast

The Selfish Path to Romance. Download chapter one for free at DrKenner.com and you're dealing with a difficult coworker, coworkers, and actually a boss. Okay, tell me what's going on.

Well, I've been at my job for with the system for 16 years. That's a long time. Years in November, yeah. And one particular person, when they started working there, I trained them, yeah. And after that, it was a couple of people who went and left. When they left, there's one person who is still there, and it was two other people that joined since then, and they work, we all work together, yeah, and because of our situation, well, there's a lot of I work with children. Okay, what age? Oh, six, seven, and eighth graders. Oh, okay. And what, what type of work can Okay, I work in the school system, yeah, as a cafeteria monitor. Okay, all the kids, not a cafeteria worker in the back, fixing food. I'm out like, so you mingle with the kids, exactly, and they talk to me about a lot of things, and, you know, and they, you know, we have a, I don't know, I have experienced their brothers, their siblings, who have gone on.

So you have a lot of history there. You've worked there 16 years. So what's going on with the coworker and the boss? I know we don't have a lot of time, so I'd love to help you out. Okay, well, the coworkers, a lot of, a lot of the I guess, I don't know, I guess is jealousy, because when the kids come in, they all come to me, or even when they get written up, they come to me, yeah, and you know, that's because I don't yell or scream at them, but I treat the kids how I would want someone to treat my own child. It sounds like a wonderful example. Yeah, yes.

And so because of that, my coworkers tend to go to my boss about every little thing. So when the kids come up to me, they claim the kids are being unruly, out of their seats. They're all coming to her. They're, you know, we don't have any control over them. It's because of her, yeah, when she goes to the bathroom, she's saying more than 10 minutes. She stays 10 minutes or more, which is not true. Okay, you need to get a little timer and just have the evidence. Yeah. Are you serious? So it's petty stuff, so what? So how long has it been going on for? Well, they've always had things to say, but until just last year, what do you think changed? What changed last year?

Oh, last year, this other worker was hired, and she's bilingual, or whatever, she tends to speak another language, like the other lady who I trained, yeah, who was there? Yeah? And when that lady tends to get upset at me, she decides she's upset, and they start talking their own language, yeah? So you're cut out, you're left, you're out of the loop. So it's very possible they could be gossiping about you or saying, I don't speak their language. Third person, she goes with the flow, yeah, format with her. So, so am I? So what is? What are your options at this point? Okay, so I decided, because last year I went through this and it affected my evaluation, she put something pertaining to this matter on my evaluation. And I just like, you know, I said, This is so unfair, this and that, but I was dealing with my mom, who was diagnosed with leukemia at the time. Yeah? So I figured I, you know that got other things I have to deal with, so I just let it go.

And it's like, so what's happening this year? Well, she said, You ladies gotta learn to work together. Okay, here it is, evaluation time. Yeah, they're running to the office again. Yeah? Complain about me, same thing again. And have you talked to this is to your boss, right? That they're talking with your boss. They talked with the Okay, they talked with the vice principal. Okay. Have you have a meeting? Have you spoken yet? You've spoken with the vice principal yourself? Yes. Well, when she calls me into her office, yeah, she, you know, mentioned, well, the ladies. Well, no, she didn't say the ladies. She just said, Well, it's evaluation time. And she took up this long list of things. And I said, Okay, what did the ladies say now? Yeah, she said, Well, first of all, the ladies did not say, No, you always call me in your office. It's always something. And when she started running things down. And I said, that is untrue. And then she said, Well, I rolled back the cameras. And then I said at that time, well, this conversation is done, because that isn't true. What I'm telling you, you're telling me, you roll back the cameras. I would like to see the cameras where you roll back and seen all of this.

Okay, so right there you have a little problem. Hmm, because when you confront someone like that, we all do it. We're, I mean, we all can have those moments when we slip up. If somebody's in a lot of pain, like if somebody accused me falsely of doing something, I'd say it's not true. And they say, Yes, it is. We roll back the cameras. The best response. But almost nobody does it. And is to say, Hey, I got to interrupt this because we've got to pay some bills. 30 seconds, that's it. A very quick ad, and then Alan will be back.

Romance. I wish I knew more about what girls want from a relationship. Well, I wish I knew more about what I want. Where's that ad I saw? Here it is, the selfish path to romance, a serious romance guidebook. Download chapter one for free at selfish romance.com and buy it@amazon.com huh? The Selfish path to romance that is interesting, the best response, but almost nobody does it. And is to say, well, let's roll them back again. You know, I'd like to take a look at what you saw. That is what I said to her. Okay, the way you say it really matters. If you say it in an angry way, she'll feel attacked and she won't be your friend. Oh, well, last year she did the same thing. Oh, this is your boss. You're talking this is the vice principal, right? Oh yeah, this is the vice president. Okay, what is at stake? Here? Is your job at stake? Is a raise at stake? Or is it just the awkward discomfort of being around these people day in and day out? Well, it's not discomfort because I figured, like I mentioned to her, I come in and I do my job. I don't have to be friends with my coworkers, but I do have to work.

So what is at stake? You're going to keep your job? Right? Well, right now I went to, since I didn't get any resolution from her, I went to the principal and he pretty much said, basically, suck it up. It's close to the end of the year, and tempers flare and just let it go. And I said, Well, that's what we did last year, and that's why we're back here again. Yeah. Okay, so you're so so what is the resolution? What did he say? Oh, he said, Well, maybe we can, I can look up the rules that we enforced last year and go over that. And I said, Well, if they were, then we wouldn't be back here again. Okay, so what I'm hearing is that you have a nice strength, you're assertive, you're doing what's possible for yourself, and you want to give yourself credit for that, and you're standing up for yourself. And it sounds like you're doing it in a strong but you're not. It doesn't sound like you're attacking now. And I would, I would could pursue that. I would continue to say, you know, it's not fair to me. I want, I would like this corrected in my record, or at least be able to put a letter in my record so that a letter in my record that counters their accusation, so at least you have something else on file.

Well, I, not only did I do that, I asked him the next day for a meeting. Yeah. He said, maybe we can schedule a meeting. Then he says, Well, I'm a little tired of I'm a little busy. I'm really okay. Listen, we're right at the end of time, but I think that you're on the right track, pursuing it. You're standing out for yourself, and you're also keeping your focus on your relationship with the kids. And I think that's fabulous. Listen. Thank you so much for your call, and I wish you some good success with this, Ann, and here's a little more from Dr. Kenner, and then if you help me dig it up, you can have half, and I'll have half. Is that okay? I mean, is that fair? Because if I have half of the money, I can go away somewhere where nobody can find me, not rustler, my mother, Sylvester, anybody. You don't know what that'd mean. Why? If I had enough money, I might even be able to live it. And does running away solve your problems? That's from the movie. It's, um, let me see if I can get this right. Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World five Mads, a much older movie, but a fun movie. And what is it about money? Sometimes people think that if they just won the lottery, they would be happy in life. And yet, if you look at actual lottery winners, they're not that happy. It's not these glorious stories, and partly it's because even though they have the money, they don't have what the money represents for people who are effortful, for people who work hard or start their own businesses, even if they don't make a lot of money, it's their money. But if you just have money thrown at you because you scratched a ticket at the supermarket, it doesn't have the same feel. You can get the trappings of success, but you might be able to fool some people. But you can't fool your own subconscious. You know that that money doesn't come from your own effort, and that makes a big difference. So that's that may solve some riddles if you're wondering if or that may even help you, if you're a gambler and scratch a lot of lottery tickets, you may discover that you could save that money and do something a little more effective for your own life. For more Dr. Kenner podcast, go to DrKenner.com and please listen to this ad. Here's an excerpt from The Selfish Path to Romance by Dr. Kenner and Locke, aggressiveness leaves a nasty hangover, unless you suffer from very poor insight. You are aware that you bullied someone you care about and you often feel sheepish and guilty afterward. The person on the receiving end of your wrath is hurt and distrusts you, even if both of you fake a close relationship to the outside world. A tip-off to aggressive language is the pronoun you, or finger-pointing language, imagine your partner telling you, you make me angry. You don't listen, you talk to me like I'm stupid. You drive me crazy. The use of you language as a method of attack is guaranteed to set a relationship on fire, and we don't mean romantically. It invites the person receiving the barbs to stop listening and withdraw or counterattack.

Download chapter one for free at DrKenner.com and at Amazon.com.