The Rational Basis® of Happiness Podcast

Craig Biddle discusses his book "Loving Life: The Morality of Self-Interest and the Facts That Support It," arguing that morality is inherently self-interested and that duty and self-sacrifice are incompatible with morality. He provides an example of a young woman who prioritizes pleasing her parents over her own happiness, leading to a life of misery and failed relationships. Biddle emphasizes that true morality involves pursuing one's values and respecting others' rights, which he believes is the key to a fulfilling life. The conversation highlights the struggle between societal expectations and personal happiness, advocating for a life free from unearned guilt.

Action Items

Promote the book "Loving Life" by Craig Biddle.
Download the first chapter of "The Selfish Path to Romance" for free at Dr. Kenner's website.
Outline The Selfish Path to Romance and Morality Speaker 4 introduces the book "The Selfish Path to Romance" and offers a free download of chapter one. Speaker 1 welcomes Craig Biddle, author of "Loving Life: The Morality of Self-Interest and the Facts That Support It." Speaker 1 questions the combination of morality and self-interest, noting that morality is often associated with duty and self-sacrifice. Speaker 2 explains the book's thesis that morality is based on self-interest and argues that duty and self-sacrifice are incompatible with morality.

Examples of Duty-Bound Morality Speaker 1 asks for an example of someone who follows a duty-bound moral code and is unhappy. Speaker 2 describes a girl who believes everything she does must please her parents, leading to a life of self-sacrifice and misery. Speaker 2 shares that this girl works a job she dislikes, engages in charity work, and fails in romantic relationships due to her self-sacrificing moral code. Speaker 1 and Speaker 2 discuss how this girl's moral code prevents her from pursuing her own happiness and fulfillment.

Impact of False Morality on Relationships Speaker 2 explains how the girl's false morality leads her to enter relationships where she serves her partner without receiving reciprocation. Speaker 1 and Speaker 2 discuss how the girl's moral code prevents her from accepting help or pursuing her own happiness. Speaker 1 shares a personal anecdote about feeling guilty for wanting to do something for herself, illustrating the suffocating effect of false morality. Speaker 2 emphasizes that a false morality undermines one's entire life and happiness by setting an order that is incompatible with personal values and fulfillment.

Promoting True Morality and Self-Interest Speaker 2 explains that true morality involves pursuing one's values and respecting others' rights to do the same. Speaker 1 promotes the book "Loving Life" as a resource for understanding and embracing true morality. Speaker 1 encourages listeners to reject unearned guilt and pursue their own happiness without feeling like a doormat. Speaker 2 reiterates that the book helps readers understand that morality is about living fully and filling their lives with values and meaning.

Conclusion and Call to Action Speaker 1 wraps up the segment by encouraging listeners to read "Loving Life" and take control of their happiness. Speaker 4 directs listeners to DrKenner.com for more information on the podcast. Speaker 5 promotes "The Selfish Path to Romance" as a guidebook for understanding what individuals want from relationships. Speaker 1 and Speaker 5 emphasize the importance of honesty and self-respect in relationships, urging listeners to download the book for free and purchase it on Amazon.

Keywords selfish path, loving life, morality of self-interest, duty and sacrifice, personal happiness, romantic relationships, false morality, unearned guilt, pursue values, self-sacrifice, charity work, romantic failure, self-destructive behavior, moral code, self-interest.

The Selfish Path to Romance. Download chapter one for free at DrKenner.com and Amazon.com.

Would you like some cake? I'm not supposed to. Don't worry so much about not supposed to—live a little!

With me today is the author of the book "Loving Life." For this segment, we'll be talking with Craig Biddle. Craig, welcome to the show. Hi. Thank you. Craig, the title of your book kind of can raise an eyebrow. Not the title—"Loving Life" is wonderful—but the subtitle is "The Morality of Self-Interest and the Facts That Support It." Now, when I think of morality, or when most people think of morality, they think of duty, heavy guilt, sermons on Sunday. Morality and self-interest, morality and happiness, morality and loving life—you usually don't hear that combination. What do you mean by linking the two? Well, that's the whole thesis of the book. Is that morality is actually all about self-interest, and I demonstrate in "Loving Life" why it is that duty and self-sacrifice and such terms as those are actually incompatible with morality. So it's a controversial book in that regard, but it's quite convincing, I believe, if you take time to read it. Okay, but can you give an example? Can you give an example of someone who's really duty-bound and they're being a very moral person in their context of the word "moral," but they're not really enjoying their life? Yeah, somebody takes the idea that being moral means taking all of your spare time and devoting it to helping other people instead of pursuing the things that are important to you personally for your own happiness. Now somebody who accepts this code of morality is going to find themselves ultimately miserable. They're going to be resentful of other people over time because other people seem to have a moral claim on their time and on their life. Okay, want to stop you there. Can you think of a person in your life who followed this? What you're talking about, this duty code, this heavy morality code. And they and some, someone that I could relate to, that just didn't end up happy. But they tried. They were really sincere, really trying to be a good person, really trying to believe the Sunday sermons. Oh, absolutely. I know of a girl who is under the idea that everything she does has to be done to please her parents. Now, you can either take the idea that everything you do is to please your parents, or society, or God, or any other. And that is the idea of self-sacrifice being the morally right thing. I want to hear her story. What happens with her. And this girl is incapable of achieving even a moment of happiness in her life. At this time, she works a nine to five that she's not very happy with, but because she doesn't believe that happiness is the purpose of life to begin with, she doesn't have any moral motivation to pursue another career. When she gets out of work, she involves herself in charity work and philanthropic work that, you know, just basically renders her miserable, because the entirety of her life is committed to serving other people at the expense of her own happiness. And I have watched this poor girl, unfortunately over the past few years, because she is somebody who has mutual friends with me. I have watched her life become more and more miserable, and I've watched her fail in a number of romantic relationships on account of it. How would she fail in a romantic relationship? Hey, I got to interrupt this, because we've got to pay some bills. 30 seconds, that's it. A very quick ad, and then Alan will be back.

Romance. Oh, I wish guys knew more about what we want from a relationship. Boy, I wish I knew more about what I want. Where's that ad I saw? Here it is—the selfish path to romance, a serious romance guidebook. Download chapter one for free at selfishromance.com and buy it at Amazon.com. Hmm, "The Selfish Path to Romance"—that is interesting.

I've watched her fail in a number of romantic relationships on account of it. How would she fail in a romantic relationship? Well, instead of entering a romantic relationship selfishly by saying, in effect, "the purpose of romantic relationship is to enjoy what you get out of it, to find somebody who's got mutual values with you, somebody with whom you enjoy spending your time, and then to do things selfishly together so that you, you know, enjoy the time that you spend together." Instead of that, what she does is she finds somebody that is demanding of her in terms of her serving him, and she repeatedly finds herself in relationships where the guy does nothing in any way to help her in her life and her happiness, and she finds herself doing nothing but serving him. But it sounds like she wouldn't let him. She wouldn't let him. If the way that you've described her is that if she says to herself something on the order of, "you know, I'm only good if I do for other people," then right then and there, even if he tried to say, "Well, why don't you get a career for yourself? You really hate this nine to five office job, you know, go out there. You've always loved landscape architecture. You've always loved interior design. Do that for yourself, honey." What would she say to him? That's exactly the point. She would have to say, on her own moral code that that's not important. And she would have to say, if he did offer to try to help her, that it's wrong for her to accept help. Why? Because what's right is for her to sacrifice, not to receive. So she one of the perverse, you know, elements of the whole morality of sacrifice. So she puts herself in a double bind. If she’s saying to herself, on one hand, "You know what? I really want to be a good person. And I listen to my Sunday sermons, and I know that helping other people is good, and occasionally it gives me a nice feeling because the person is really needy. You help them out, it feels good. But you know what? My life is just withering away, and I do this day in and day out, and I'm in a drab job that I feel like I should do, and I just don't like my life. Forget about loving life—that's the title of your book, Craig, this is Craig Biddle—forget about loving it. I don’t even like my life. I feel like a darn doormat. And yet, when my husband says to me—I mean, I want to tell you, my husband will say to me—Come on, honey, do something for yourself. I'll feel that that's so darn selfish I can't do it. My own moral code suffocates me." Exactly. A false morality undermines your entire life because it sets an order to you that is incompatible with your life and happiness. It says, don't pursue your values. And the pursuit of values is what makes life and happiness possible. It says, don’t pursue your values. It says, give up your values. So just you know, from the get go, with that kind of a premise, you're going to be miserable. So my book explains why that premise is false and helps the reader understand that what morality really consists of is pursuing your values, respecting others' rights to pursue their values, and living fully, filling your life with values, with meaning, and you know, with things you love to do. Okay, we're almost out of time. I'm talking with Craig Biddle, who's written the book "Loving Life." And you can get this book on Amazon.com. You can get it on my website, DrKenner.com. I think it's also available at Barnes and Noble’s books. So you could order it through them if you want. Is that correct, Craig? Yes. So you can too. If you've been listening to us and you're saying, "You know, I feel like I'm caught in that trap. I want to enjoy my life, and yet every time I try to do something for myself, it is tinged with guilt." Well, Craig would want you to know, and I would certainly want you to know, that that is unearned guilt. It is your life, as Craig has said, you only travel through this life once. Make the best of it, make the most of it. Learn to love your life and to really put some sort of alarm on your mind. So anytime you feel like you're being a doormat, you're not a doormat anymore. You refuse to go that route anymore. You refuse to self-destruct. I want to thank you very much for being with us today, Craig. My pleasure. Okay, and hopefully more people will take a cue from you and go out and read your book. And it's called "Loving Life," and it's by Craig Biddle.

For more Dr. Kenner podcasts, go to DrKenner.com and please listen to this that.

Here’s an excerpt from The Selfish Path to Romance, the serious romance guidebook by clinical psychologists Dr. Kenner and Block:

Finding the right person is hard work. Expect that most individuals you meet will not be the right one. The rewards of finding your soulmate are worth your effort, even if you fear further rejection. Never lie about yourself or withhold important information when you believe that your relationship has a future, such as withholding that you have a disease, a criminal record, or children from a former relationship. Hiding relevant information from a potential soulmate is a significant breach of trust and damaging to your own self-respect. Even if you know you might be rejected, it’s better to get the rejection over with as soon as possible, since there would be no future in that relationship. The idea that "what they don't know won't hurt them" is wrong. It will hurt them—and you too.

You can download chapter one for free by going to DrKenner.com and you can buy the book at Amazon.com.