The Rational Basis® of Happiness Podcast

(this is raw unedited text transcribed directly from the audio)

Dr. Kenner:      Lydia, you want to talk about how to help out some friends?

Lydia:              Yes. One of my friends, her name is Chelsea, her life has just been awful. I mean, it’s just one thing after another. She had people try to kill her in her lifetime and she’s the same age as me, she’s 15, and she’s nearly had three attempts on her life.

Dr. Kenner:      What’s that about?

Lydia:              Her family, her mom’s side of the family, is awful. Her mom is cool, but she’s just most of the time you wouldn’t want to be around her. She never met her dad. Her dad is an unknown. Her stepdads, two of them tried to kill her and I don’t remember the other one.

Dr. Kenner:      Were they held accountable? I mean, were they brought up, did she call the police? Did she make a report on that?

Lydia:              The only reason that Chelsea was in that spotlight was because she was trying to prevent her mom from being hurt.

Dr. Kenner:      Okay, so she was in a domestic issue. Were the police called?

Lydia:              Yes.

Dr. Kenner:      Is it documented that they attempted to kill her?

Lydia:              Yes.

Dr. Kenner:      So she’s got some protection. She knew to go to the police, or who called the police?

Lydia:              Neighbors. They heard it going on.

Dr. Kenner:      Is she living with the stepdads now?

Lydia:              No, they are gone.

Dr. Kenner:      They’re gone. So she’s living with who?

Lydia:              Her mom and her brother are living with their grandparents, who live here.

Dr. Kenner:      Her mom and her brother. Okay. So she’s got a younger brother?

Lydia:              Yes, he’s kind of a brat sometimes, but he’s got a good heart.

Dr. Kenner:      You sound like such a good friend. Tell me, in what way do you want to help her?

Lydia:              She’s just, we’re like mirrors to each other, apparently. We’ve both had bad things happen in our lifetimes, but we took them completely different ways. She’s held onto the grief and I’ve let it go. I’ve had a lot of bad things happen to me, but I tried to let it go and go on. She didn’t. And she had no way to get out. She had no way to get away. She had no people to turn to up until just a couple of years ago. She really needed somebody when she had no one.

Dr. Kenner:      And you were that person that she turned to?

Lydia:              There are three of us. There’s me, Talia and Ionia. The three of us have always been there for her, and she tells us every single thing that she needs, that we need to know. She’s told us that she’s thought about suicide so often and it’s not unlikely that she might.

Dr. Kenner:      Okay, so if it’s gotten that serious, if she’s not someone who is just grieving in the sense of … some people can’t wait to leave home, finally, they’re on their own, so they can’t wait until their 16 or 18 years old and has a place to go. But if she’s suicidal at all, then you want to get help ASAP. There is a book Choosing to Live. It’s on my website, DrKenner.com. That would be a very good book for her to use with a therapist. Can she get therapy through the school, a school counselor?

Lydia:              That’s the thing. With the fact that she’s suicidal, both of us – which is amazing that I’m able to call you – we’re both extremely paranoid. She doesn’t trust anybody except people who are extremely close to her. So she’s too paranoid. She thinks that as soon as, she’s afraid if they find out what’s happened and what goes on, then they’re going to take her and her sister and her brother and they’re going to pull them away from each other. Because she knows most likely that they’re not going to be put in the same foster care together.

Dr. Kenner:      And that may be the case. She’s got a good point there. I mean, they do try to make placements together with siblings. But there’s no guarantee. So she’s not paranoid necessarily. What I recommend is that book, it’s very good. I definitely would love to see her get some therapy ASAP. And I think you need to know that as loving a friend as you are, you’re ultimately not responsible for her choices. They are her choices. So you can’t put the burden on yourself of being a therapist at the age of 15 years old. Are you hearing me, Lydia?

Lydia:              Yes.

Dr. Kenner:      What do you think? What’s going through your mind?

Lydia:              It’s just that when she comes to us, she’s never gone to anyone else. She’s terrified. She just thinks that if she does do what she wants to do, which she honestly wants to do, she thinks she has absolutely no other choice. All three of us have pretty much thought that she hasn’t through her plan through past freshman year. We know she probably has not and we know she probably has no intention of graduating high school alive.

Dr. Kenner:      Because she’s suicidal, you’re saying?

Lydia:              She has panic attacks.

Dr. Kenner:      Let me give you, I know we only have a minute left. Let’s see, the first thing I would do is get yourself some help. If you’re not paranoid the way she is, you could get some support. You are calling me, but I’m not your therapist. I’m just one person that is giving you some tips, a book you can read, and advice to get help. You could try to get some therapy for yourself, because there are very good counselors out there. You could go to a website, AcademyofCT.org. It’s on my website also, DrKenner.com. And that’s Academy of Cognitive Therapy and see if you can find a therapist in your area, wherever you life. You could go through the school system. You know, the fact is, she needs help. If it’s a life-threatening situation, it’s not a question of being kind or being afraid to blow her cover. It’s a question of getting professional help ASAP and you can’t put that burden on yourself to be her therapist. That’s not fair to you. And you can get some help. Sounds like you could use some support. Maybe even your friends could. I would reach out to get that help.

Lydia:              That would be good to know if I’m able to do that.

Dr. Kenner:      Just inquire about therapy. You can call a local association. There are state associations. I know I’m in Rhode Island there is a Rhode Island Psychological Association, and try to get some help for yourself. Listen, thank you so much for the call and I wish you the best. Get that book, it’s helpful for all of you. It’ll teach you some wonderful thinking skills and it sounds like you’ve got some good ones already. Thank you Lydia.

Lydia:              Thank you very much.